#I just think there's different qualities to the 'What

[moonastro]

Groom persona chart

The ascendant in the signs

what is a groom persona chart? this chart exhibits qualities that your husband will have and possible placements that can be seen in their chart. it is simply a chart all about your spouse in a woman's chart. the asteroid groom can be identified using the code 5129.

The ascendant in the groom persona chart can tell us what your husbands appearance can be like, also how you would describe them as a person.

reminder: this is my interpretation from observations and first hand experiences, so don't take this to heart.

Aries ascendant: spouse can be very muscular, love to workout or do any major, high intensity work or workouts. May love to keep themselves fit whether it’s physically or mentally. Can eat very harshly, ( and I mean they can eat like animals 😅). May like to rush every single thing that they do, eating, doing chores, folding clothes, getting to appointments, they can all be things that they just rush doing. I have noticed that this placement gives your spouse a high temper, like they can genuinely get angry over the little things and will hold a grudge about it too. In terms of appearance, may due their hair a funky colour, can wear funky accessories also like have piercings on their face, even tattoos.

Taurus ascendant: future spouse may be build strong. Not so much as muscular but just genuinely his body may be naturally strong. With this placement, your spouse can enjoy the social interaction from having meals together. He may protrude this big energy physically but inside may be very soft and gentle. May like to express himself by voice stimming, an example would be humming, singing in general, making random noises with his mouth.

Gemini ascendant: your future spouse may be lean and appear to be taller than they are. May look friendly and love LOVEEE to talk. May have a nice voice or you may be interested in their voice also. Can have youthful face and stature. Can even have a voice that sounds like they are younger also. These individuals with this placement can have a spouse that craves to talk, and I’m not saying that they want to talk because of boredom no, it’s something that they connect with, it’s something that they genuinely want to do without thinking about it if that makes sense.

Cancer ascendant: spouse can be a very caring person. In terms of appearance, can dress according to the event. Like if it’s for professional matters, will dress professionally, if for staying at home, comfy clothes etc. can have round features and it may not have to be on the face, it could be around the body also like having a round nose, round forehead, round chest etc. your spouse can also have a resting sad face or even so they really tell how they think based on their facial expressions. Like their face will NOT lie, they will react accordingly to how they feel about a situation. May have slight eye-bags if they haven’t been keeping well like if they haven’t been able to get enough sleep, or have been overworked, you can tell that by their face, like may have dry skin, puffy eyes because of not resting or keeping good care of themselves physically.

Leo ascendant: these individuals are well known by a lot of people. Whether it’s what they do for work, from their social interactions, their hobbies, your spouses name may just be something that people have heard of and know of. Your future spouse may do anything and it can be analysed by the public even if no one knows him, but he can have a lot of confidence within him, so this can be why people tend to keep an eye out on him. In terms of appearance, may always dress up for any occasion, may like to jazz up their appearance from time to time for example like dye their hair purple( or whatever colour), or wear some makeup, even dressing up a completely different style etc.

Virgo ascendant: spouse may be of average height, on the leaner side. May look youngER than his age. Can have facial hair or look clean with it, suit it also. With this placement I have noticed that people don’t notice them for their looks but their vibe, I don’t know if this makes sense but people don’t tend to notice their appearance like clothes etc, but their personality and their actions. For your spouse, actions speak louder than ANYTHING, they look good in anything tbh, just as long as their actions are in check everything’s all good. In terms of personality they like to chat, talking is like the most important thing to them, not only that noticing them and making them feel heard is important also. Omggg also may tend to blush easily, and their smile may be something you love about them. They can tend to smile a lot.

Libra ascendant: spouse may look and appear to be well groomed. Whether it’s facial hair cut, hairstyle sorted, clothes ironed etc. spouse may care what others think of them about their appearance. Also this placement loves to be clean and smell clean so your spouse may look after their hygiene and genuinely enjoy to smell nice 24/7. Personality wise spouse can be lighthearted, but tend to judge others by their flaws and often miss their own. May have unknown enemies or people who assume things or go off by rumours said about him.

🌸for example, my mother has Libra degree ascendant (7°) and my father would always nitpick the tiniest of flaws in his clothes, even to us as kids😂😂. Like if our uniform had a little stain he would notice and say something about it, he always and I mean ALWAYS has a clean shaven face, irons all his clothes by himself and the list goes on and on and you get the gist.

Scorpio ascendant: your spouse may look intimidating and have heavy Pluto placements. Appearance wise may have dark eye circles/bags, have pointy features but may be muscular ( not Aries like) not buff but just naturally muscular. With this placement I’ve noticed they tend to lose their hairline as they age. But also may tan very easily. As to sum up what they will be a s a person may never give up with their opinion, your spouse may be one to keep arguing until their point is heard, it’s not like they think it’s right it’s them getting the point that it’s important to them. Also may be tall and slim unless other planets in first house that can interpret otherwise.

Sagittarius ascendant: spouse may be tall, a lot taller than you anyway. May come from a different country so may have features that look foreign or different to yours. I’ve noticed with this placement spouse can become more at ease with their appearance as the relationship gets further on down the line. By that I mean they may not be too compelled to look perfect. For example, may let their facial hair grow out, may repeat outfits multiple of days in a row, may put on weight etc etc. ( really depends on degree and other planets in 1st house). As to say for personality may be always matching your energy, may make the effort to always put your needs before his also.

🌸for example, my aunt has sag ascendant and Venus in first house, they have been together for years and from the first time they have met until now he has a tendency to snack ( Venus trait of sweet treats) therefore has put on a bit of weight(ABSOLUTELY FRIGGIN NOT A BAD THING- just an observation). Also to back this up( as I am NOT stating that this is true to anyone who has a Sagittarius ascendant or Venus in 1st house) she has Jupiter in 6th house( body, health) so ya know.

Capricorn ascendant: spouse can have sharp bone structure anywhere around his body. May like to look lean and tidy. Spouse can naturally portray a serious aura around him even when unintentional. Your future spouse may love to dress up not in a fun way but a smart way, like he may love buying new suits, new shoes, new ties etc. he can represent himself as someone smart but may often like to keep the same style on him. I’ve noticed that they may tend to do that in accordingly so that people can associate them with that piece of clothing, but it never looks bad on them for how many times he repeats the outfit.

Aquarius ascendant: your future spouse can have this cartoon character appearance. I don’t know why but they do, they can have features that look good on them but if you analysed them individually they would look almost weird. Like for example may have eyes that are close together, or a nose that is extremely pointy, or like lips that have a noticeable outline on them etc etc. little things that you would have to look for in order to actually tell them apart. But on them it looks natural if that makes sense. Your spouse can either be the type to follow trends if they like it and dress accordingly to the latest trends, or be the type to have their own style that stays out of the trends.

Pisces ascendant: spouse can look tired or look sad naturally. Oops I don’t know but all the people with this placement have a partner that looks high. But nonetheless, spouse may be gentle and just very soft spoken and have this light energy around them. May look soft and clean. Can be the type of person who stays out of drama or is a behinds the scene type of person. They may complete something but it may be unknown by many. Can rarely raise their voice, like may often times stay quite most of the time. Also another thing is they tend to have this peaceful energy about them, they may have light feet and so sometimes you won’t even notice they have left or entered a room (just a silly obs).

Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to like my content, it is much appreciated. I hope you all have a lovely rest of your day 😊🌼

[dokries]

things seventeen take pride in doing for their partners

pairing: seventeen x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

word count: 2.2k

warnings: mentions of food, some kissing

author note: hello! i’m alive!! thank you anon for requesting this, and i’m so sorry it took…literally 5 months to write this 😭 i hope you enjoy it though! thank you to my awesome friends who helped me write this <3 (honestly i have no idea where so much for chan came from but extra chan love!!)

masterlist

seungcheol (s.coups) - buying you groceries

⟢ seungcheol is a provider, and he’d love to be the one getting you things, especially if it was something as important as groceries.

⟢ he’d totally just text you for a list, and expect you to just tell him exactly what you wanted—plus later, you’d get a bunch of pictures asking which brand or version you wanted of something to make sure he doesn’t get the wrong thing.

⟢ he’d want to pay for most, if not all of it—but he wants you to be comfortable with what he does, so you could both figure out who’s paying for it (though he’d definitely make sure to pay for the small things at least).

⟢ he has his card (and wads of cash) and he’s not afraid to spend it on you—in fact, he prefers it that way.

⟢ it’s even better when you’re with him, since you can spend time together and do something essential (and perhaps it gives him a glimpse of what’ll come down the line, once you’re both older).

jeonghan - getting you the hot gossip from work

⟢ jeonghan is…honestly, he’d make sure he picks up all the gossip for himself—and for you both to discuss later.

⟢ he wouldn’t be nosy per say…he’d just keep his ears open when there were people around talking, okay? it’s not his fault they’re so loud.

⟢ and of course, he’d retell it to you in such a way that you couldn’t help but be completely immersed in the drama because his manager is dating who?

⟢ there’s multiple lines of gossip that you both follow based on who you’re talking about, and each week there’s at least one debrief session where the two of you sit down on the couch and you just absorb the information he gives you.

⟢ he’s glad to see the different expressions you make, and it makes him happy to see you so interested in something he’s telling you about, even if it’s something horrendous about his co-worker—and then when you snuggle up next to him, ready to fall asleep he gives you a small smile and pats your head in contentment.

jisoo (joshua) - buying you flowers or little trinkets

⟢ i think that while joshua’s love language is more like quality time, he seems like the type of person to also buy you flowers every few weeks—or whenever the flowers he previously got you wilt.

⟢ he’d totally get a bouquet for you and a flower for himself to make sure he knew exactly when to get you some new ones.

⟢ obviously, it’ll be your favourite flowers! or just ones that remind him of you, depending on the week.

⟢ if you’re allergic to flowers, he’d get you chocolate or something else you really like—it doesn’t have to be exclusively flowers :>

⟢ he’d see little deer characters and think it would remind you of him, so he would drop them over at your place so you’d always have a way to remember him! (you’d definitely have a little deer and cinnamoroll collection at home somewhere).

junhui (jun) - cooking for you

⟢ even though jun is busy, he knows you are too, so he makes sure to make dinner for you when you get home.

⟢ he immediately rushes you out of the kitchen when you try to help and shushes your protests.

⟢ he’d beg you to just let him cook for you—unless you really wanted to cook yourself. at that point, he would make sure to be the trustiest assistant chef you’ve ever had, just to make it a little easier.

⟢ he just enjoys seeing you have something he made for you and the smile you give him afterwards always makes it worth it.

⟢ if he’s not there for dinner, he makes sure to leave a packaged meal for you in the fridge, complete with a sweet sticky note telling you to eat well and text him a cat meme when you see it.

⟢ he’d make sure to note down your favourite foods, and try to remake some of the things you’ve liked when you both go out on dates to make you happy—because it makes him happy too.

soonyoung (hoshi) - bringing you snacks when you’re busy

⟢ if soonyoung noticed you hadn’t gotten up to get food or drink water in a while, he would come in himself, giving you a plate of fruit or whichever snack you liked the most with a water bottle to keep by your side as you worked.

⟢ he’d do this even in the late hours, when you were studying for an exam or an important report for work, and give you something sweet as a treat—and a reminder that no matter what happens, he cares.

⟢ if you didn’t mind, he’d just sit with you in the same room and do something else to pass the time so you wouldn’t feel alone.

⟢ if he couldn’t be with you but knew you were working or studying long hours, he’d get food delivered to you—or deliver it to you himself again, showing up on your doorstep later at night, hoping a hug and a good meal will energize you.

wonwoo - fixing all your tech issues

⟢ honestly, this is something he’d be really good at.

⟢ like yes, he’s good at so many other things but as soon as you run into any problem whatsoever, he’d know how to help—even if he did have to watch a youtube tutorial or read a guide for your tv.

⟢ he’d fix his glasses right after he managed to fix that weird glitch where your google results were all in a different language or your phone would keep shutting down on you.

⟢ would definitely guide you through fixing anything if he couldn’t be there, and wake up sleepily to facetime so he could see the problem—his glasses askew and his bed hair on full display.

⟢ wonwoo would be proud to call himself your tech guy, especially if it made you smile—and besides, he’s happy he can help you with any challenges, even if it’s something simple.

jihoon (woozi) - planning surprise dates

⟢ jihoon, honestly, spends a lot of time on his own in the studio, and while you visit, he really knows he needs to get out of his second home sometimes—and a date with you is a good way to do that.

⟢ he’d do it shyly, calling you up to first ask if you were busy, and then ask if you could come meet him at the studio (he…can’t drive, otherwise he would pick you up.)

⟢ it’d be nothing much in his eyes: a stroll at a park nearby, learning something new, going out for dinner—simple things that were better when he did them with you. 

⟢ sometimes he’d just show up at your home with flowers, his face red, since he’d been encouraged by soonyoung to do so and be “more romantic for once!” (or at least, that’s how soonyoung saw it. he didn’t really know about the archive of songs that jihoon had written inspired by you, and you had only seen a few of them anyway.)

⟢ he’d always make sure to look into places where you would be interested so you could go together, and he could watch you be entertained by something you wanted to do—even if it wasn’t something he would do himself. 

seokmin (dokyeom) - notes of encouragement

⟢ seokmin’s the type of person to send long, long texts about how much he loves you and how proud he is of you every so often, especially if you’re busy and he can’t see you as much as he wants to!

⟢ he’d leave little notes around the kitchen after weekly movie night, so that when you wake up the next morning, he can see your reaction when you see his shameless puns on the colourful paper—which are all definitely related to whatever you watched. or you know, dad jokes. one of the two.

⟢ if he ever brought you lunch while you were out, he’d leave a little note telling you to eat well and message him so he knows you’re doing okay!

⟢ he wants to make sure you know you’re loved and when you write your own notes for him, he just about melts, giving you a gentle peck on the forehead and a long hug until you both end up giggling.

mingyu - fixing things around the house

⟢ yes, he may be clumsy but mingyu is always volunteering to build you new furniture or fix things you (or he) has broken.

⟢ every so often, he’ll just scan through the entire house under the pretense of cleaning for you when you’re busy, and creates a mental list of what to do. it’s like he’s trying to sneak around but it doesn’t really work because it’s so obvious where his gaze is.

⟢ he also loves to help you rearrange furniture too! like your own little interior design helper except you only pay him in cuddles on the couch…wherever you two put it.

⟢ would totally text you pictures of furniture if he goes to ikea and asks if you want them so he can just buy them for you (and so you can have a little date at home building whatever it is).

minghao (the8) -  watering your plants / taking care of your pets

⟢ he would show up early at your door, ready to help out if he was available—and something he would always do is take care of your babies (plants and/or pets!)

⟢ he’d water your plants for you, leaving a note to remind you to not do the same later, and hum to them to help them grow faster and stay healthy.

⟢ he’d also make sure to help out with grooming or feeding a pet—whatever you needed so you could focus on yourself first.

⟢ if you don’t have either, well he’d take care of the sleepy you by making sure you get through your morning swiftly and happily.

⟢ he’d be proud of making sure you were alright in the mornings, despite how hard it could be some days.

seungkwan - making sure you’re active

⟢ seungkwan loves to do sports and go on hikes and the such, and i think that he would want you to be with him!

⟢ obviously, he wouldn’t force you to but hey, you do need to stay active, and it’s better if it’s with him than on your own—plus, it’s more fun by his side.

⟢ he would totally buy you matching jackets to go hiking in, and always pick activities that you’re comfortable with doing.

⟢ he lights up every time you would say you’re having fun and would run over and give you a quick kiss before continuing your badminton match.

⟢ once you’re both tired out, it’s time for cuddles on the couch…and maybe a quick cheesy rom-com where you can both make fun of the protagonists.

⟢ eventually, he can see the difference in your strength and stamina, and it reminds him to keep working hard too, because you do the same for him.

hansol (vernon) - remembering you

⟢ hansol is a bit of a forgetful guy but he would never forget you (well, for the most part at least; he still has his moments). 

⟢ you’re brought up casually in most conversations he has simply because you’re so important to him that you can be brought up anytime.

⟢ everything and anything ends up reminding him of you, even if it’s not meant to. he’d tell you about most of them because he loves getting a text back full of love, or a smile on your face as a reply.

⟢ even if you’re not present, he’s always hyping you up without realizing. 

⟢ with you, he’s always sending you cat memes and posts in general saying “us” or “u n me fr” 

⟢ he takes pride in simply knowing you, and having the ability to be around you so much :)

chan (dino) - driving you around

⟢ we’ve all seen the dingo video where chan drives a fan somewhere, right? yeah that’s him on the daily with you.

⟢ you’re his passenger princess !! (gender neutral <3) and he makes sure you know it, always offering you a ride no matter where you need to go!

⟢ the grocery store? your friend’s house? the optometrist? [insert any ridiculous place he doesn’t need to accompany you to]? he’s already waiting for you outside.

⟢ this goes even if you’re fully capable of driving yourself because he knows it can be tiring getting on the road some days, but he’ll always brave the bad traffic if it’s for you. 

⟢ knight in shining armour? no, he’s your knight in a really nice car, one that, in his mind, has your name all over the passenger seat. 

⟢ other than that though, he would offer to take you for a late night drive often, with your choice of music on the aux as he drives you over to a spot he researched about weeks ago because it was the perfect couple spot (at least, that’s what it is according to google).

⟢ he’d have a huge smile on his face every time you waved at him before opening the door and plopping in right next to his side, where he could sneak glances at you while waiting for the light to turn green.

thank you for reading ‎♡ - moon :>

[zepskies]

Oh I'm so glad to hear that, friend! I love Firefighter!Dean with all my heart, and it was so fun to write a younger Dean here than Smoke Eater-verse Dean. ❤️‍🔥

We LOVE a best friends brother (or sister) fic!

It's a fun trope! 😆 Lots of awkward fun hijinks ahead.~

Preach! I don't do dresses very often, but why are plus size clothes so expensive?! Also, finding plus size clothes that fit right should be classified as a Herculean task.

Girl SAME loll. Omfg you're so right with that. I almost exclusively shop at Torrid because it's the only store I've found that really caters to our measurements, and in different styles with good quality fabric. 💓💓

The amount of times I've nervously rambled should be studied scientifically; doesn't matter if I am talking to a gorgeous person or just to a friend

hahaaa did I accidentally write you? I love that though. It's so endearing to me. 💜💜

The wording of this is so beautiful. I so admire (and envy) your way with words and describing things.

Aw thank you so much, lovely. 🥹 I really appreciate you saying that, but I think you write beautiful prose.

I think I would spontaneously combust if a person (let alone Dean Winchester) said that to me while we were in bed.

Oh yeah, I'd pretty much expire on the spot. 🫠🫠🫠 He'd have to take over bc I'd lose focus immediately lmao.

We love a man who supports a womens right to choose

10000000%

As a woman who has been talked to like Lisa talked to the reader, I felt so seen and validated reading this. And while I don't ever want kids, I feel for the reader.

First of all, I'm sorry that you can relate to the reader in that situation. I know the feeling too, especially back in grade school with those "fake nice" skinny girls. I myself am not sure that I'll ever have kids either, but I just love to imagine Dean with a family even in AU settings. I feel like he would've made such a great dad and deserved to have a family post-S15, not just Sam. 💕

As always, you did a wonderful job, Alex, and I can’t wait to read the second part!

Thank you so much, friend!! I'm so excited for you to see what's coming up in Part 2 (a lot of drama and feels lol). 💕

IF I STAY - Part 1

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized!Reader

Summary: Your dream is to work with kids as an elementary school teacher. Dean is well on his way to becoming a firefighter, keeping things light and “strings unattached” as he goes. After a one-night stand you never saw coming, you and Dean are forced to deal with the consequences…and figure out if the connection between you is worth fighting for.

AN: Yes, here’s another firefighter AU! Based on a request from one of my lovely Patreon members: @redhoodieone. She requested pretty much all the major beats of this story, so hopefully I did her request justice! This is also partially inspired by Fools Rush In, a beautiful movie with Salma Hayek and Matthew Perry (Rest in Peace, King).

Song Inspo: “I Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis

Word Count: 8.7K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, thick thirty, hints of body insecurity, but also body appreciation, angst, and hurt/comfort.

❤️‍🔥 If I Stay Masterlist

Part 1: Fools Rush In

Slowly, your eyes slide open into the waking world. Your head is resting on something warm, firm…and a little sweaty. You pick your head up, despite the disorienting, muddy feeling of a slight hangover.

A groan bubbles in your throat. Your gaze travels downward, and you realize that what you’re looking at is more of a who.

Your eyes widen. Oh…my…God…

Not only are you very naked, but your firm pillow is too. It happens to be your best friend’s brother.

Yes, holy fucking shit! You slept with your best friend’s brother.

Biting the inside of your lip, you can’t help but take him in, here in the raw light of day as he lays peacefully on his back. His head lolls to the side on your usual pillow. Your eyes roam over the bow of his lips, the dark eyebrows, lightish brown hair that's softer than it should be between your fingers.

He’s painfully handsome. There’s a slight hesitation in your touch, but you softly trace the cut of his jaw and the stubble spread across it. That roughness feels familiar, and not just under the pads of your fingers, though the thought makes you blush. You begin to remember the night before, almost like a movie reel through your mind… 

Ooooh, right. That’s what happened.

It starts at Sam Winchester’s joint bachelor-bachelorette party at a nice hotel downtown. He and Eileen aren't the "strippers and coke" kind of party couple. They're more the "wine and brie en croute with pickled olives" on the expensive crackers you can't afford—kind of couple.

They look perfectly in love, if a bit long-suffering while Dean gives a hilarious, somewhat inappropriate, but still ultimately heartwarming toast to their happiness. After lowering the glass of champagne from his lips, his gaze catches on yours in the crowd. You suck in a subtle breath. 

Technically you’ve met him already, being one of Eileen’s bridesmaids, but there’s something about his green eyes that pin you to the floor. When he hands over the mic to Lisa Braeden, Eileen’s Maid of Honor, his head turning away from you to offer her a smile breaks the spell. It allows you to breathe.

Dean later finds you by the bar. You’re drinking a rum and coke with your slice of cake, trying not to get a single crumb on your dress. You've put a lot of work into affording it, let alone fitting in it. He leans his elbows casually on the counter and looks over at you.

“Hey, how’s it going?” he nods at you with a smile, subtly taking you in first. Then, his eyes go to your plate. “Ooh, red velvet. Gotta get me some of that.”

You smile back at him. “It’s pretty good.”

“Yeah, looks good in your hand,” he says, adding a teasing wink for good measure.

You don't know why that does it for you, but a half-flattered, half-nervous laugh tumbles out of your mouth. Sam has warned you before about Dean. Apparently his older brother is a bit of a flirt; a ladies’ man.

A man whore, are the words Eileen used.

You’re honestly surprised he’s talking to you when Eileen’s other bridesmaids, Lisa and Jo, are sipping martinis together down at the other end of the bar. Guess they didn’t want cake.

They look beautiful in their lithe, strapless little cocktail dresses. You’ve had to give up chocolate, bread, and cheese for three months straight to fit into this dress, something slinky and red that drapes over your thicker, curvy figure. But you’re proud of the fact that you’re letting yourself eat cake tonight, even though you’ve often felt like Mrs. Doubtfire while standing for pictures next to Lisa and Jo.

They’re Eileen’s friends, not so much your crowd. No matter how much you’ve tried to get to know them while helping the wedding planning in whatever way you can, you still get a high school clique vibe from the women, if with more “polite smiles.” Then they’ll typically go back to talking about crystal centerpieces—or whatever in-depth conversation they were having before you were there. 

But right now, Dean’s focus is on you. When he asks you more about yourself, you tell him about recently earning an elementary education degree.

“Ah, but you already knew that, because Sam told you we graduated college together,” you realize, with warmth tingeing your cheeks. That subject came up pretty quickly when he introduced you to his brother.

Dean’s smile confirms your suspicions, so you just keep filling the silence on reflex.

“Well, I actually just started teaching my first ever semester of second graders. They’re a bit of a handful, but overall, they’re really sweet.” Your smile falters. “Except for this one kid who likes to put little tacks on my chair. He’s kind of a menace, but I think if I bribe him with enough lollipops, he’ll give it a rest. I mean, it’s a behavioral issue and I should probably call his parents. But it's kind of hard to tell them their son is trying to make my ass into a pincushion."

Dean's laugh comes out in a sharp burst, like he wasn't expecting what just came out of your mouth. You didn't either, honestly. You giggle more out of embarrassment, ducking your head.

"He’s in second grade, you know?" you say, in between laughter. "I don't think that little footnote needs to end up on his permanent record. But then there's Micah. He's so friggin' smart. He can read at the fifth grade level already. Can you believe that? And I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, but his grades on his spelling tests get him a spot in the comfy bean bag chair pretty much every Friday. Honestly, I think that's what I like about working with kids. I get to see that spark on their face when something just finally clicks for them. Their little faces get all bright and happy and…ugh. God, I'm sorry. I'm rambling, right?”

You stop yourself with a hand sliding over your mouth, not quite covering your smile of embarrassment.

Dean’s grin just widens, making the corners of his eyes crinkle. 

"It's okay. I kinda like it," he teases.

You duck your head, biting your lip against a groan. He chuckles and reaches out for your hand, earning your nervous glance. He quirks his head.

“Hey, you're passionate about what you do, helping kids. That's nothin' to be ashamed of,” he says, brushing his thumb over your hand. “But sweetheart, I gotta ask. Am I making you nervous or something?”

God, yes, you think, especially at that sweetheart thing. It’s making your heartbeat tick up a syncopated rhythm, but you shake your head, biting the straw of your rum and coke.

“No, not at all,” you say, in a hopefully “breezy” kind of way. You touch your fingers to his wrist. “Tell me about you though. Sam mentioned that you’re a firefighter?”

“Ah, yeah. Firefighter in training,” he says, with a more genuine smile.

He just started at the Fire Academy, and he tells you about all the drills he’s had to learn and all the training he’s had to do to be able to keep up with his classes. You subtly eye him while you sip at your drink, and you notice the crisp cut of his buttoned-down shirt and leather jacket, the definition of muscle across his thighs under the slacks, even while he casually sits.

Your gaze subtly travels down his long bowed legs, smart dress shoes. His cologne is woody and masculine, but not overpowering; maybe bergemot and sandalwood. It pleasantly wafts under your nose every time he gestures with his hands while he talks.

“Aw man, I can’t hold out anymore. I think I need to get me some of that cake before it’s gone,” he says, getting up from his chair.

You’re a bit disappointed that he’s leaving, until he stops short.

“You want another piece?” he offers, gesturing at your empty plate that’s been resting on the counter.

You blink in surprise, but you shake your head. “Oh, no. I probably shouldn’t.”

“Why not? It’s a party,” Dean reasons. His grin is too damn infectious. It has you smiling, and begrudgingly agreeing.

Not only does he bring you more cake, but you watch him eat three whole slices before he asks you to dance.

The rest of it flashes through your mind like strobe lights—the way he’d started small and respectful with his larger hand closed over yours and the other along the curve of your waist. He guided you closer and closer, until you were turned around into his arms, and you could feel his warm breath on your neck.

You felt his lips teasing your skin. Then those hands tantalizingly drifted down your every soft curve, as if showing you a preview of everything he could do to you, and every way he’d make you come apart. You believed him.

And when he whispered in your ear, asking if he could take you home, you let him.

You let him drive you in that big black piece of history he drives. Used to be my dad’s car, he said. A Chevy something. You couldn’t really remember much when his hand was drifting up and down your thigh like that.

His presence burned hot at your back when you two eventually got to the front door of your apartment, your hands just barely shaking as you got the key in. Twist and click—

He waited until you flipped the lights on. Then he turned you around slowly in his arms and pulled you in close, all the while asking you with his eyes and raised brows. This okay? You want this?

“Do I still make you nervous?” he asked, his lips twitching at a smile when yours do.

You nodded, uttering a small giggle. “In a good way.”

That was when he finally kissed you, hot and slow, like he meant to devour you whole. He moaned at the taste of you, at the feel of your ass squeezed in his hands. You clung onto him strong, breathing into his kiss and trying to meet every single demand of his lips.

It soon became a fiery tear to your bedroom, one lamp flicked on, hot breaths and nice clothes crumpled to the floor. You didn’t feel self-conscious even once when he guided you under him on the bed, because he wasted no time in taking you apart, inch by inch.

His lips kissed and licked and sucked a burning trail down your neck, over your collarbone and between your breasts. You felt his hardened length trapped between your bodies while his hands explored you, teasing your breasts and sensitive nipples, and he mapped his way down with his lips.

You explored every part of him you could—every dip of muscle, firm shoulders and the slopes of his back, and then back up to tangle in his hair. Your heated gasps and whimpers filled the room when his sinful mouth found what it was looking for between your legs.

It wasn’t often that you had a strong pair of shoulders to rest your thighs on, but Dean’s grip was hard enough to leave deep fingerprints of pressure on each thigh while he slipped his tongue through your folds and feasted on you.

“D-Dean, oh God,” you gasped. Every sound you made was a sensuous symphony in his ears, washing over his skin and making the well of his desire churn hot in his lower belly. He had to roll his hips into the mattress for some relief for his aching cock, even while he moved his mouth up to your clit, circling the swollen bud with his tongue. He had enough room to slip two fingers deep inside your sopping wet channel, exploring you deeply, stroking and twisting to find what you needed.

Your thighs trembled and squeezed tight on either side of his head. When he sucked your clit tight between his lips, you uttered as gasping moan as that coil snapped its release. Your inner walls fluttered around his fingers. Yours clenched tightly in his hair, threatening to rip out a few strands.

Dean stroked you all through your first orgasm, giving slower licks to your clit. He seemed to sense when you couldn’t handle anymore though. You tugged more sharply on his hair, and he finally pulled away, moving back up your body to gauge your reaction.

You’d collapsed boneless against the bed, but you still managed to smile up at him as you caught your breath.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked. But his self-satisfied grin almost made you laugh. You took his glistening face between your hands and pulled him down for a grateful kiss.

After a moment to savor your lips, he broke away for a second to catch his breath himself. You stroked his back all the while.

“You know, for a minute down there, I thought you might not let me come back up,” he teased.

You choked on a laugh, covering your face in embarrassment.

“Honestly wouldn’t have minded if you did suffocate me,” he chuckled, accompanied by a slap to your left ass cheek. You squealed, and blushed hotly at the way he was grinning down at you.

“Ready for more, baby? Or you want to call it a night?” he asked. His tone was playful, but it was actually a serious question. You blinked in surprise. You’d never had a guy be this, well…generous, and not expect anything in return, especially not for just a hookup.

But you shook your head and sat up, slipping a hand behind Dean’s neck. After a beat of hesitation, you guided him down to you for a slow, sensuous kiss.

“No, I don’t want to call it a night,” you whispered. Your hand drifted down his bare chest, and lower still. You showed him just how well you could return the favor.

And now, come the morning, you’re blushing down to your neck as each scene flashes through your mind. You feel the ghost of his hands all over your body, and how you’d never quite felt quite as bold and sexy and beautiful with a near stranger as you had with Dean effing Winchester. Your best friend’s brother.

You begin to worry your bottom lip with your teeth. How the hell are you going to tell Sam? Especially after he warned you about exactly this. Plus, there’s a reason you don’t typically do the one-night stand thing, and this has the potential to become something very complicated.

You know what, it’s fine! you think. We’re two consenting adults. We’re both single. And maybe…maybe it could be more than a hookup. Maybe we can see each other again, see where it goes.

“What’re you thinking so hard about?” Dean says, his voice croaking with sleep.

You look down at him in surprise. His eyes have cracked open and he has your hand captive, stopping you from continuing to idly trace patterns on his bare chest. You smile in embarrassment.

“Sorry,” you say. Again, you bite your lower lip. “Um, good morning.”

“Morning, sweetheart,” he grins lazily. “You sure wore me out last night.”

Your smile becomes more genuine, even if you turn your face away somewhat shyly.

“Aw, don’t do that,” Dean says. He slides his hand up your arm and behind your neck, tangling into your already tangled hair when he guides you down to his lips for a kiss. “You were awesome.”

You giggle against his lips. “Really?”

“Hell, yeah,” he says, kissing you again.

You shake your head a little. “You were…”

Amazing. Unbelievable. Probably the best night I’ve ever had.

“Perfect,” you decide. Because it’s the truth. The word comes out of your mouth before you can filter yourself though, making you pause. Dean does too, but after a beat, he slowly smiles.

“Oh yeah?” he asks.

You lick your lips, and you nod. “Definitely.”

“Well, then,” he says. His hand moves down to squeeze your hip. “You down for a repeat performance?”

You smile. “Only if I get a turn.”

Bracing your hands on his chest, you slide your thigh across his lap so you can straddle his hips. Dean grins and goes along with your idea. He gets a nice healthy handful of your thighs and helps settle you on top of him. But first, he reaches over into your nightstand drawer and finds another condom, ripping it open with his teeth.

Just like you did for him last night, you take the packet, as well as his generous length in your hands. You gently stroke him to full mast, smiling pleased at his groan of pleasure. Then you carefully fit the condom over him.

“You’re so gentle with me,” he teases. 

“Just returning the favor,” you quip, just before you position him at your wet entrance. Slowly, you sink down over his cock.

You both moan at the feeling of him stretching you again, warm and thick and fitting perfectly nestled deep inside. There had been moments last night where he wasn’t all that gentle, actually, but his passion had only spurred yours on more. You know you’ll probably find fingerprint marks on your thighs and ass, but it’s fucking worth it, you think, as you begin to bob a rocking rhythm that serves you both.

Dean arches his back underneath you, his knees coming up to press against your ass.

“Goddamn, baby. Givin’ me quite a show,” he says, in a panting voice that’s deep as sin.

You utter a breathy laugh.

Dean means it though. He’s enjoying the way you brush your hair out of your face, your beautiful tits in his face while you truly let loose for him. He guides you by the stronghold he has on your hips, his fingers pressing into your soft flesh as he ruts up into you, meeting your thrusts.

Your breath quickens, your nails digging into his chest on reflex, and your heart races as that delicious pleasure builds. But when Dean snakes a hand between you and further parts your folds to massage tight circles over your clit, your vision flashes white. You utter a scream of pleasure on his name, your inner walls choking him tight as you throb around his cock. His release hits him like a goddamn freight train.

“Aw, fuck,” he grunts.

He slams your hips down hard, making your thighs slap against his. A ragged groan escapes him in a rush. His hands move to your thighs just under your ass, where his fingers press into flesh hard enough to leave forensic ID, giving him leverage to bury himself deep into your pussy as he spills a hot release into the condom.

Goddamn…

He can almost imagine that he’s coming free inside you, that you’re milking his cock for every drop, until there’s nothing left for him to give.

The thought surprises him. It almost takes him out of the moment, honestly. That’s not a thought he’s ever had before—not with a woman he barely knows (which is most of his hookups, if he’s honest).

In that delicious, fractious moment just after it hits, it’s like those few seconds are suspended in zero gravity. Your arms are shaking, and your forced to collapse against his chest. Dean welcomes you there for a little while, letting you come down while he smooths a hand over your hair.

Though he can't help the urge to let his big hand drift down over your dewy skin, down the gentle slope of your back and over the curve of your generous ass. He gives one cheek a teasing slap. The sound echoes in the room.

"Goddamn perfect ass," he says roughly, smirking at your squeal. You end up grinning hard against his neck.

"'S that my new nickname?" you quip.

He chuckles deeply, moving you along with his chest. "Hell, sweetheart, if you want it to be."

Eventually, you lean back to give him a smile and one last kiss before you pull away from him. You slip off his lap to find your robe, at least. You definitely need a shower.

“So I’m thinking, after we get cleaned up, I could make us some breakfast,” you offer. “Or if you want, maybe we could go somewhere. I know a little diner down the block.”

“I like the sound of food,” Dean agrees with a smile. Ge reaches over for his phone on the nightstand, to check the time. His eyes widen. “Oh, shit.”

He has to get his ass over to the Fire Academy. He has class in barely twenty minutes.

He tears out of bed and nearly trips on the coiled sheets.

“Sorry. Gonna need to take a raincheck,” he says. He hurries to find his clothes strewn all over your bedside floor.

“What’s the matter?” you ask with wide eyes. You cross your arms under your breasts, but it’s more like you’re hugging yourself over your robe. You watch him tear through your bedroom in a tempest of movement.

Dean spares you a glance, but not much else as he yanks up his slacks and belt and dress shirt.

“Gotta get to class,” he confesses. Thank God he has his uniform in the trunk of his car for exactly these kinds of emergencies. He grabs his phone, wallet, and keys, and quickly kisses you on the cheek. He gazes down at you apologetically. “Sorry I gotta cut and run, sweetheart, but it’s been fun.”

Your smile barely reaches your eyes. He’s pressed for time, but he still notices.

He slows himself down and cups your cheek. “Hey.”

He gets your pretty eyes looking up at him, and he gives you a real kiss, nice and slow. He cradles your cheek and brushes his thumb across your skin.

“Thanks,” he says. His now familiar grin manages to make you smile. “And I mean that.”

You shake your head at him. “Okay go, Mr. Future Fireman. Be safe out there, okay?”

He gives you a playful salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

You can’t help but laugh. This guy’s too much. But you don't think you've had this much fun having sex in...

All right, let's not put a timeframe on it.

You watch him leave your apartment, even though you have a sinking feeling in your chest. You knew this was just a hookup for him, for both of you. Part of you just couldn’t help hoping that it could’ve led to something more. 

Dean means to call you.

He really does.

After that truly awesome, you shook me all night long, kind of a night, he thinks about you more than he’d like to admit over the next few weeks. However, he finds himself locked into his training. He’s so close to finishing strong and earning his badge, he just can’t afford any more distractions.

Still, he should’ve known that Sam would find out—either through Eileen, or through you directly. He also should’ve expected the way his brother let him have it.

“And you didn’t even fucking call her. See? This is why I don’t set you up with any of my friends anymore,” Sam bitches at him from his side of the small two-seater dinner table. They still share an apartment, though in just a month and a half, Sam’s going to be moving out. He and Eileen already found a house that they’re moving into after the wedding.

“Look, I was going to call her, man. They’ve just been bustin’ my ass at the Academy!” Dean argues.

“Bullshit.” Sam levels him with the same finger that holds his beer.

Dean’s brows raise, high and annoyed. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, I’m calling bullshit. Because if you really liked her, respected her, and respected me, you would’ve made the time,” Sam says.

That falls heavy between the brothers for a moment while they eat their pizza.

“Look, I know her. She doesn’t do hookups that often, which means…she probably liked you,” Sam adds. “And honestly, when are you going to give it a real try with someone? You can only visit that free clinic so many times.”

Dean shoots him a glare. He’s had a clean bill of health from said clinic for six months straight.

“Jesus Christ. Enough, all right?” he grouses. “What’re you, Mom?”

“I’m just saying,” Sam says, lowering his crust to the plate. He levels his brother with a more earnest look, lightening up from his anger. “Look, if it’s about what happened to Dad—”

“What, you mean the way he drank himself to death after Mom died?” Dean says. His voice cuts through whatever softball glove Sam is trying to handle him with. “You think that’s the kind of thing I should be looking for in my life?”

“Oh, and what, do you think I’m making a mistake marrying Eileen?” Sam counters.

Dean sighs, shaking his head. “Damn it, don’t put words in my mouth. That’s not what I’m saying, it’s just…I don’t know. Maybe that kind of life—the house, the wife, the 2.5 kids and the dog. Maybe that’s just not my life, okay?”

Sam gives him a long look. He lets go of a deep breath, and he shrugs.

“Okay,” he says. “If you think hooking up night after night for the rest of your life is going to make you happy, then fine.”

Dean nods, glad that they can put an end to this little After School Special.

“Okay.”

Still, he can’t finish his third slice of pizza. He keeps picturing your face when he left you that morning. No matter how you tried to hide it, he still saw the tinge of disappointment in your eyes. It brews something uncomfortable in his stomach, and a sting in his chest.

You’re eating lunch alone in your classroom, finally on your break, when an unfamiliar number flashes across your phone screen. You look down at it in confusion, but with all the caterers and florists and things you’ve helped Eileen with on the wedding, you figure it could be important. You pick up the call and greet whoever’s on the line.

“Hey, sweetheart. How are you?”

You drop your ham and cheese on your keyboard, gaping in surprise.

“Dean?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” he chuckles slightly. “Sorry, I know it’s been a minute.”

You frown, because you’re confused more than anything.

“Yeah, like almost a month,” you reply. You put the call on speaker so you can grab up your sandwich and quickly brush off the crumbs from your keyboard. You struggle to say something cool, clever, sexy even. “I’m okay. Just, um…what’s up?”

Smooth, real smooth. You cover your eyes with your hand.

“Nothin’, I was just thinking of that night,” he says. “I had a good time.”

Your frown deepens, despite the beginning of a blush warming your cheeks. If he’s calling you just for another hookup…

“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.”

And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition.

“I could make us some burgers, toss in a couple of beers and a movie night,” he adds.

That part throws you though, you’re not going to lie. What, is this a Netflix and chill situation—with a side of fries?

You consider it. You weigh pros and cons at a frightening speed in your mind, almost like Sherlock Holmes contemplating the layout of a dead body and deducing within moments that his wife committed the murder, despite the man no longer wearing a ring.

You want to let yourself be bold and spontaneous and carefree...but it's just not who you are at your core. You're a planner, a cautious person who looks three ways before crossing the street. Letting Dean take you home that night was certainly one of the most spontaneous, wild things you've done since your friends took you out to a strip club after you aced your final round of exams back in college.

(Sam hadn't been there that night, but he did get an embarrassing drunken text from you at 3:00 a.m., along with a few shame-ridden pictures fueled by questionable substances. Yes, he still had the evidence.)

You just don't know if it's smart to let yourself hookup with Dean again. Mostly because you know your heart has the tendency to get attached, no matter how much you warn it not to.

“You know, Dean, I’m pretty busy with my job right now. I just started here a couple of months ago, and I think I just need to focus on that right now,” you say. Part of it isn’t a lie, even though your soft heart is stinging.

“Ah, okay. Yeah. I get that,” he says. You hear his disappointment too. “But I just need to say, I really am sorry for not calling you sooner.”

Your lips tug at a smile. “It’s okay, Dean. Look, you’re Sam’s brother. I just feel like, maybe it’s better if you and I stay friends.”

“Friends, huh?” Dean says wryly. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I don’t have three rounds of steamy hot sex with any of my friends.”

Your blush comes swiftly again, burning in your cheeks.

“Be that as it may,” you say, “I just don’t want to do anything that will distract from Sam and Eileen’s wedding.”

“Oh, I’m a distraction, huh?” Dean says flirtatiously. 

You begin to smile in earnest. “I think you know damn well what you are, Dean Winchester.”

His deep chuckle practically resonates through the phone and into your chest, going straight down to your pussy. You clench on nothing just at the sound of his voice, making you cross your legs under your skirt. Dear God…

How are you supposed to be even remotely normal around this man now? 

But for Sam’s sake (and your own), you’ll have to try. 

Two months later, Dean has taken Sam’s dating advice to heart. A week or so after you turned him down, he ran into Lisa Braeden, Eileen’s Maid of Honor, while he was at the grocery store buying beer and Twizzlers. She was a smart, sharp, sexy brunette. A yoga instructor, he soon found out. So he took a chance on asking her out. They’ve been going slow and steady ever since. 

Dean hasn’t heard from you since the rehearsal dinner, but he sees you again at his brother’s wedding. All the bridesmaids are wearing long, royal blue dresses that drape off the shoulders and hug the bust and waist, flaring gently at the skirt. Lisa and Jo wear it beautifully, their hair perfectly smooth and coiled. 

But when you step out into the hall outside the church ballroom to join them, Dean actually pauses in what he’s saying to his brother. He nearly double takes when you enter his line of vision—mostly because he hasn’t seen you in a dress since that night. You were sexy as hell then, a lady in red. 

Today, you’re absolutely stunning. 

After greeting Sam with a warm hug, you turn to him with a nervous kind of smile. “H-Hey, Dean.”

With that, he snaps out of it. Dean smiles, eyes crinkling, and goes over to give you a hug as well.

“Good to see you,” he says, trying not to inhale too much of your nice perfume. It’s even in your hair.

“You too,” you reply. Your smile is a little brighter, more genuine. Though there’s something behind your eyes that he can’t quite place.

What he doesn’t notice is the way Lisa is watching you and her boyfriend, a hint of suspicion on her face.

You do though. You pull away from Dean and assemble into a line with Lisa at the helm. As the Best Man, Dean stands with her, followed by Jo and Brady, another one of Sam’s buddies. You and Benny bring up the rear. Benny’s dad used to work with John, Sam and Dean’s father, on the police force.

According to Sam, John Winchester worked a beat for twenty-six years before his liver finally gave out on him. Dean almost went to the Police Academy to follow in his dad’s footsteps, but Benny, already working his way up to Lieutenant, suggested Dean become a smoke eater instead. The suggestion stuck.

Benny Lafitte is slightly shorter than Dean, but just as broad-shouldered, his auburn beard neatly trimmed. Even though you might’ve thought he was rough around the edges at first, his kind blue eyes spoke the contrary. He offers you his arm like a gentleman.

“Well aren't I lucky, getting the prettiest girl on my arm,” he says, with a charming smile.

You smile, and even begin to blush at the way he subtly takes note of you from head to toe.

“Well, thank you. You’re very handsome yourself. Although, hold on.” You slip your arm out of his for a moment so that you can fix his tie. It’s slightly crooked. You make sure that it lays flat under his collar, smoothing down all the edges and picking off any small dust particles that landed on his collar. Benny watches you with an indulgent smile.

“Am I good?” he asks.

“Very,” you reply.

“I appreciate it, thank you,” he says. You don’t know if he means to sound flirtatious, but his voice is a deep drawl that washes over you pleasantly. You find yourself blushing down to your neck as you slip your arm back around his.

You also don’t notice how Dean glances at you and Benny over his shoulder.

As much as you love Sam and Eileen, it’s difficult for you to keep your mind from spinning into fractals as the ceremony goes on. You can’t help but glance at Dean. He stands there behind Sam dutifully, but you see brotherly pride in Dean’s eyes, in his smile. It makes you smile too. You too love Sam like a brother, and it brings a well of happy tears to your eyes to watch him have his moment with his new wife.

It just also reminds you of what you need to do.

After the ceremony ends and the bridal party files out behind the bride and groom, you excuse yourself from Benny apologetically. You wait until Lisa and Jo go off to take pictures with Sam and Eileen, and you grab Dean’s wrist, pulling him aside.

“I need to talk to you,” you whisper.

Dean gives you a confused look. “They’re gonna need us for the pictures.”

“I know, but this is important,” you say. Your voice trembles with nerves, and so do your hands. Dean notices, frowning in concern. He grasps your arm to try and steady you.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Just come with me,” you implore him. You take his hand and lead him into the women’s dressing room attached to the church sanctuary you all just came out of.

Dean raises his brows at the mess you and the rest of the bridesmaids have made of the room—pantyhose and makeup and clothing litter the floor and most available surfaces, while leftover breakfast sandwiches, grapes, salami, and cheddar cheese cubes are splayed out across one of the vanity counters. Dean is tempted to steal a morsel, but he focuses on you first.

You close and lock the door, which makes his brows raise high again. You know he has a girlfriend now, right?

“Uhh, look, I’m not sure what’s going on here, but—”

You heave a sigh. Again, you take his hand and guide him to sit with you at the vanity. The old stools squeak, the overhead lights a bit too bright. This is not where you want to do this, but you can’t hold it in anymore.

“Dean, I’m pregnant,” you confess.

He freezes. His breath stills in his lungs. His eyes slowly widen as the words click in his brain.

“What?” His head tilts, as if he didn’t hear you right.

You squeeze his hand; to ground him or yourself, you’re not sure.

“I’m about two months pregnant. I found out last week.”

Dean swipes his free hand over his mouth while he tries to compute. He squeezes your hand, tighter and tighter. He points to himself.

“It’s…it’s me? It’s mine?”

You give him a weary smile. “You’re the only one I’ve been with in the last few months. It could only be you.”

Oh fuck. The man’s face begins to pale as he descends into shock.

“But we…I used a condom,” he reasons. “All the—all the times!”

You bite your lip. If you weren’t freaking the fuck out yourself, you’d probably be laughing right now. Granted, you’ve had a bit more time to process this than Dean.

“I know, I was there,” you reply, releasing yet another sigh. “One of them probably broke. That’s all I can think of… Honestly, Dean, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I just didn’t want to disrupt the ceremony or cause a scene before the wedding. But now you know.”

Dean falls silent then. He hasn’t let go of your hand, which you think is a decent sign. He’s likely forgotten that you’re still holding it as he stares off into the middle distance for several seconds.

Eventually, he shakes his head and returns his gaze to yours. He looks uncertain, his handsome face the true epitome of holy fucking shit.

You know the feeling.

But he asks the most important question.

“What do you want to do?”

Briefly you close your eyes as you take a breath. You squeeze his hand before you let go of him.

“I’ve thought about this a lot, and…I’m keeping the baby,” you tell him, though you raise placating hands. “I don’t want money, or anything like that. I just wanted you to know that it’s yours. How much you want to be in his or—or her life, that’s up to you.”

Dean takes a beat before he answers, but you don’t have to wait so long holding your breath.

“Okay. Okay, yeah. I’ll help you. Don’t worry,” he says.

And just like that, all the time you spent giving yourself pep talks for this, telling yourself that you’ll need to be strong no matter what he says, all of it crumbles into relief. Your lower lip trembles, and your body shudders as you break into tears. You try covering your face to hide your shame, but Dean grasps your shoulders.

“Hey, hey. It’s all right,” he says. He tentatively pulls you into a hug. “It’s gonna be okay.”

You nod into his dress shirt, probably staining him with your running makeup.

“Thank you,” you whisper. “Thank you so much.”

He holds you a bit tighter in response.

You and Dean agree to keep this to yourselves for now, at least until Sam and Eileen get back from their honeymoon. It’s difficult to explain why your eyes are all red and your makeup is smudged, but you promise Sam that you’ll tell him later. You know it’s pointless to lie to him though. As a lawyer, his bullshit meter is far too high.

However, you also know that he’s half guessed it by the time you all make it to the reception. When you and Dean came out of that dressing room to join the bridal party for pictures, you're sure that you looked emotionally wrecked. Dean had looked pale as a sheet, his body coiled and tense, as willing himself to seem normal. Sam had clocked both of you with a raise of his brow, but he didn't say anything then, especially after you gave him a pleading look.

While Eileen greets her family without him for a moment, Sam pulls you aside. He notes your glass of diet coke, in a moderate sea of guests drinking champagne and cocktails.

“Are you okay?” he asks knowingly.

Tears well up in your eyes again. You don’t know if it’s your damn hormones going haywire, or just the way Sam asks you, with the love of a friend in his eyes. He squeezes your shoulder gently, prompting you with your name.

“Yeah, I think I will be,” you say.

"Is it the same reason you're not drinking?" he asks. "You and Dean earlier..."

You hesitantly confirm with a nod. Sam blows out a harsh sigh, raising folded hands to his mouth as he processes. You begin to look around on reflex, trying to see if anyone's watching you and Sam have this conversation in the middle of the reception. To your relief, everyone around you seems occupied with drinks, hours d'oeuvres and conversation.

“What did he say when you told him?” Sam asks. His gaze is firmer. You get the idea that if he doesn’t like what you tell him, then he’s about to go grab his brother by the ear himself.

You grab his wrist and give a placating squeeze. “He said he's going to help me, be there for me.”

“Damn right. So will I,” Sam nods, and glances back at Eileen, his new bride, with a smile. “We both will.”

“I know,” you nod as well. “I’ll be okay, Sam. You don’t have to worry so much. Just enjoy your wedding day. It’s the only one you’re gonna get. Well, you know…hopefully.”

You tease him with a wink.

Sam laughs, cupping your cheek. He kisses your other cheek.

“I love you, you know that right?” he says.

You give him a trembling smile through your tears.

Meanwhile, Dean has a beautiful woman in his arms. He turns Lisa on the dancefloor, trying not to trip on his own dress shoes, all the while knowing that his brain isn’t here in his body. It’s across the ballroom, watching you talk to Sam. Dean can tell that he knows, just in his Big Bird body language. He’d also recognize that accompanying Bitch Face anywhere.

“Dean, what’s wrong,” Lisa asks him, and not for the first time. She’s getting annoyed, he can tell. She finally looks over to where he keeps glancing, and she notices you with a frown. It’s also not the first time she’s caught him staring at you tonight.

“What was that earlier in the dressing room? She didn’t really get food poisoning, did she?” she asks pointedly. “What, did you two used to date or something?”

He gives a wan smile. “Yeah, kinda. We…had a thing once.”

“What kind of thing?”

Dean closes his eyes and tries to keep himself calm. He’s pretty sure if he tells her the truth right now, she’s going to find the nearest cocktail and dump it over his head.

But shit, here it goes.

“Well…”

After a long day at school, you drive over to Dean’s apartment. You’d agreed to meet there and wait for him to get off his shift at Firehouse 83, where he just started as a full-fledged firefighter on probation. When he gets home, he’s supposed to go with you to an important appointment with your OB-GYN. 

You were hoping he’d already be done with work by the time you got to his place, but Lisa's there to open the door for you. Apparently, he’d already given her a key.

Moving kind of fast, but okay, you think. A second later, you could’ve rolled your eyes at yourself. Pot, kettle, me. Got it.

Lisa greets you with a “polite” smile at best, but she does offer you water at least. You really can’t blame her for not liking you though. She found out her boyfriend got another woman pregnant right before he started dating her. Really, she has more balls than you for staying with him. You wouldn't put it past Dean to somehow have smooth-talked her into giving him a chance.

Or she really loves him. The thought sobers you as you lower yourself down to the couch beside her. Both of you sit there in silence for a moment, trying to figure out something to talk about.

“So, you’re what, six months pregnant?” she asks.

You correct her in thinly veiled annoyance. “Three months, actually.”

“Oh, wow. I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t know why I thought it was six.”

You have a feeling her awkward chuckle is fake, however. She knew good and damn well that you’re not six months pregnant. In her eyes, you must be the size of a parade float. 

“If you want, I can recommend a holistic diet to help you get your body back after the baby’s born,” Lisa offers. “No pills, no chemicals. Just good clean weight loss.”

You feign interest. Honestly, you’d like her to cram that offer right up her hooch.

“I can even give you a discount if you want to try out yoga,” she says. “It’s low impact, but you burn plenty of calories. I have a beginner’s class, not too strenuous. Even my least flexible clients manage to do the poses.”

Is that why Dean likes you? Because you’re bendy? Bet if I sat on you, you’d pop like a fucking balloon.

You hide all of these thoughts behind a “polite” smile of your own.

“That’s really nice of you, thanks,” you reply. It’s non-committal enough, but hopefully it’ll get her off your back.

No such luck.

“You know, maintaining a healthy diet is really important for the baby’s health too,” Lisa adds. “It’s not just about avoided raw fish and dairy products. Oh, and processed food is obviously a no-go. Like, I’m sure you haven’t been hitting Taco Bell and all that stuff, right?”

As a matter of fact, you’ve been eating clean since long before you got pregnant. Not that it’s any business of hers whether you enjoy the occasional quesadilla or not.

Your temper snaps at its leash. You open your mouth to reply, when the front door unlocks and opens to Dean, stepping in through the threshold.

Thank God, you and Lisa both think. She gets up quicker from the couch than you, greeting her boyfriend with a kiss. You avert your gaze while you begin to get up yourself.

Dean reaches out to help you, grasping your arm in support. You shoot him a smile.

“I can still get up by myself,” you snip.

“Yeah, all right. Just in case,” he says with a smile. “Ready to go?”

“Oh, yeah. Let’s rock and roll,” you say, trying to hide your worsening mood. You’re exhausted, and irritated, and probably more than a little hangry. Except now, the idea of food just has you feeling guilty for even being hungry.

“Bye, hun. Hope you have a good appointment,” Lisa says, giving your shoulder a pat. You give her the most genuine smile you can muster as you thank her. It's possibly that she's one of those women who don't realize when they're being cunty, but you find it highly unlikely. She's too smart for that.

You follow Dean out the door and over to his car, big and black and sleek as you remember. You settle into the passenger seat with your arms crossed in silence. Dean switches the cassette to one of his favorite Led Zeppelin albums, though he notices your grumpy face.

“Something wrong?” he asks.

You give him some side-eye, but you’re reluctant to say anything. You just shake your head. As irritated as you are, you don’t want to be the friend who badmouths his girlfriend.

God, are we even friends? You wonder. Or am I just his knocked-up baby momma?

And again, you realize that this whole situation is probably hard for Lisa. You just don’t know if she’s jealous, or if she just…doesn’t like you.

“I’m okay,” you tell Dean.

He raises a skeptical brow. Looks like Sam isn’t the only one with a finely tuned bullshit meter.

“All right, how about this,” Dean says. “Let’s grab some burgers after this, huh? From your favorite spot. Shake Shack, right? Side of fries, frozen yogurt. I think I’ll get chocolate this time… Hmm, I doubt Lisa will want anything. She’s gone on an all-vegan kick or something.”

For one shining moment, you were happy and touched at his consideration. But now your body stills in your seat when you remember Lisa’s words. Tears well up in your eyes with a hot sting, and a sob escapes your throat.

Dean is cut off from thinking about getting extra bacon on his burger. He looks over at you in alarm. “H-Hey, what’s the matter?”

You scoff at him through your tears. “Are you kidding me? I can’t eat burgers anymore, Dean. I was already fucking fat. Now it’s just gonna get ridiculous.”

“What?” Dean’s brows knit together in confusion, along with his deepening frown. It gets worse as he tries to watch the road ahead, while at the same time, watching you continue to crumble.

“And after the birth, I’m just going to be an even fatter slob who can’t take care of her baby,” you sniffle and weep, trying in vain to wipe your eyes and get ahold of yourself.

Dean grits his teeth, his jaw twitching. Fuck it.

He turns the steering wheel sharp enough to startle a gasp out of you.

“Dean!”

He pulls the car over onto the side of the road, ignoring the honking SUV behind him. He shifts into Park and shuts off the radio—a big red flag, in your opinion. He’s upset too, and fucking serious, more so than you’ve ever seen him. You stare back at him with wide eyes.

“I’ve never once heard you say that you’re fat,” he says.

You blink at that, but eventually, you’re able to get your tongue to unstick from the roof of your mouth. You wipe the remnants of tears from your cheeks. Your face is already hot from your upset, now tinged with embarrassment.

“You haven’t known me very long,” you say quietly.

It doesn’t help. Dean’s jaw ticks again.

“Well, I’ve never thought it. Not even once,” he says. His jade green eyes are firmly set on yours, and he gestures between you and him with a pointed finger. “The reason you and I are here right now, is because the minute I saw you, I wanted you.”

One corner of his lips kicks upwards. “And that night, you didn’t disappoint.”

Your mouth falls open slightly. You don’t know how to respond, but you do know that a full blush is warming your face and neck. His words have power, and unbidden, they bloom a similar warmth between your legs. You swallow a bit nervously as you bite your bottom lip.

Dean glances down at your mouth when you do. He can remember what your pretty mouth did for him that night. Oh, he remembers all too well. He even had the shade of your lipstick streaked across his skin until he showered up at the firehouse.

He locks that all away when shifts the car back into Drive. If you’re going to make it to this appointment on time, he needs to get going.

And you both have to leave whatever that was right here by the side of the road.

AN: Woo! 😮‍💨 Yep, this is only Part 1, friends. Lisa is a bit different in this. My take was that without Ben in her life, she might be less mature and a bit more catty. As we get into Part 2 I'll leave it up to you to decide why she decides to stay with Dean, and perhaps more importantly, where the reader and Dean can go from here as co-parents. 🤔

If you enjoyed Part 1, please let me know!~

Next Time in Part 2:

“Hey, you okay?” you say, resting a gentle hand on his arm.

Dean shakes his head. “Look, I…I’m sorry for tossing a giant friggin’ monkey wrench into your life. I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”

If possible, your heart softens even more. You slide your hand down to grasp his.

“Dean, this baby wasn’t planned, but he’s not a mistake,” you say. “I don’t regret anything.”

Dean stares back at you incredulously. He can’t believe you could really say that to him. He doesn’t know what to say. He only knows what’s in his mind, and what he feels compelled to do in that moment.

He leans over and kisses you. It’s a firm meeting of his lips to yours, and achingly familiar.

⋆˙⟡ Keep Reading: Part 2

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Dean Winchester Series List

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Dean Winchester Tag List (Part 1):

@luci-in-trenchcoats @lamentationsofalonelypotato @winchestergirl2 @deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @foxyjwls007 @mostlymarvelgirl @kaleldobrev

@globetrotter28 @midnightmadwoman @chevroletdeanwrites @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78

@waywardxwords @waynes-multiverse @twinkleinadiamondsky @my-stories-vault @0ccvltism

@rizlowwritessortof @k-slla @jackles010378 @alwaystiredandconfused @nancymcl

@this-is-me19 @spnwoman @illicithallways @pieandmonsters @deansbbyx

@mimaria420 @stoneyggirl2 @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @cheynovak @jollyhunter

@deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @leigh70 @aylacavebear @jessjad

@kmc1989 @siampie @rubyvhs @masked-lost-girl @spnbabe67

@deanbrainrotwritings @alwaystiredandconfused @supernotnatural2005

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

As a Rookanis lover, I've got to say that I enjoy seeing affectionate Lucanis from the external perspective on a different playthrough. It's something you can't see while romancing him with Rook, because he wouldn't tell them how much he wanted to get it right and how nervous he was about it, because he wants to look good for them.

But he totally fusses over preparing the dessert for his sweetheart. Which is adorable. And he does not like it when you later tell Neve that he got flustered over it. He wants to make a good impression.

And I can't believe people say you can't be evil in this game when you can straight up lie to him that it's a bad idea. :( That's an option for Rooks who like kicking puppies.

Also...

Assassin mode: On. 😆

An interesting difference I found here is that this is the point where Rook's romance with Lucanis locks in, and they officially become a couple. Rook recognizes what he's trying to say, likely thanks to all the previous experiences they've shared together - besides all the time spent together, getting to know each other, at this point they've almost kissed, and Lucanis also admits to having feelings for Rook during Inner Demons. The romance lock-in for him and Neve happens later, though. In my playthrough (where my Grey Warden Rook romanced Davrin but still saved Treviso), it actually happened waaay later, probably because I did Inner Demons soon after it became available, and the romance lock-in scene for them happened after Blood of Arlathan. (I haven't played enough yet to know whether it always happens this way, but I assume you can postpone or switch order for certain quests, which will affect your timeline for this.) So, with Neve, he may take significantly longer than with Rook.

And that is not meant to be any commentary on the quality of the relationships. I'm just observing the bird man for science. Especially because I've seen some people say that he doesn't act consistently between his romance with Rook and Neve. But... I don't think so? He still takes it slow in both cases. This is one of the examples. But of course, Rook and Neve are two different individuals that get involved with Lucanis under different circumstances and from different positions in the team, so it makes sense that the progression is not completely the same. Lucanis' relationship is flavoured by his partner, but they both make him happy and they're both equally valid.

I've also repeatedly seen some nonsense takes about how Rook's romance with Lucanis is supposedly inferior to Neve's, how he ignores Rook's affection, and isn't actually that much into them, which is honestly insane to me, because Lucanis expresses interest in Rook way before the scene with the dessert. Not only does he eagerly play along with Rook's flirting during their first coffee date, he initiates it. Most of the time, Rook's "flirting" takes the form of caring, expressing concern, and showing support. Lucanis is not used to that and he's also experiencing the horrors 24/7. But it is him that tells them that they always manage to cheer him up ("How do you always do that?" - "Do what?" - "Break apart my perfectly gathered clouds of doom.") and when they keep being supportive, he pins them against the wall. He straight up tells Rook that he doesn't want to lose them in Inner Demons. And I could go on. All that happens before the point when he starts courting Neve on a playthrough where they become a couple. Neve gets one cute dialogue cutscene with him and a few lines of dialogue/banter, because she's a companion. There's no reason to be jelly.

But back to the post.

From what I've gathered, it seems that the first pie didn't do the trick with Neve. I imagine they still spent nice time together, but from their actual lock-in scene later, it's clear that Lucanis didn't express his interest yet (or maybe didn't do it clearly enough, because his style is pushing a snack your way and hoping you'll get the message), or Neve wasn't ready to/didn't pick up on it. After the scene with the dessert (after Inner Demons) with Rook, Lucanis writes in his 4th logbook entry about spending time with them late at night. But with Neve, it's just this:

No mention of spending time with her yet.

When Rook and Lucanis become a couple, he makes this addition in the same logbook entry:

Which is another reason why it's clear they're just not there with Neve yet at this point. Also because Lucanis then prepares another pie later for her, and that's when they finally admit they like each other. But that's something for another post.

Also, I will tolerate no clowning towards Neve on this post. We love and respect Neve in this house. Sometimes she's my boyfriend's girlfriend, and sometimes she's also my girlfriend. I will protect. I'm writing this for fun, because I want to study the bird man from all angles. It's good extra material for my Rookanis headcanons. I also assume not everybody has done multiple playthroughs, so I thought maybe other people could appreciate it.

[starxanemone]

꩜ⴰ ࣪˖ BLLK LOVE LANGUAGE HEADCANONS

chigiri hyoma & karasu tabito ( as per @bleedingwhiteroses222 request )

⸻ in which i'll be rating their love language on a scale of 1-10 based on my understanding of their personality + include the type of person they'd be compatible with.

⸻ [ part i. itoshi sae & nagi seishirou ] [ part ii. isagi yoichi & itoshi rin ] [ part iii. bachira meguru & noel noa ]

CHIGIRI HYOMA

ACTS OF SERVICE: 6.5/10. Based on Chigiri's attitude throughout the manga and the anime, he strikes me as the type to be really independent, but selfish sometimes. So, in terms of acts of service, I feel like he wouldn't necessarily be opposed to it, but he doesn't actively go out of his way to do big things for you. His acts of service would revolve around things that you both do like maybe fixing hair and self-care stuff. He'll help you do your hair or even do it for you.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: 6.5/10. I feel like he's more the type of person to listen to your concerns and insert comments here and there—sometimes they're funny, but there are times when he tends to be pretty blunt that it's kind of annoying. He strikes me to be kind of sassy and I guess depending on who he directs it towards is what determines your stance on this characteristics of his. I'm sure that he's fun to gossip with though because he seems like the type to be good at flaming someone. He's giving diva.

PHYSICAL TOUCH: 7/10. I'm sure you'd have to be the one to initiate the intentional romantic type of physical touch most the time; things like hugging, hand-holding, kissing, etc. But I think he'd be the type to touch someone a lot unintentionally. Like if you're crossing the street, he'd clasp your wrist so you don't lag right behind him since he tends to walk pretty fast. Or he's the type to remove lint on your shirt, or pat your hair down when it's starting to get messy throughout the day.

QUALITY TIME: 5/10. The way I view Chigiri is that he's extremely independent sometimes. So, I think that he's not opposed to dates here and there, but don't expect it to be an incredibly frequent thing. He'd message you everyday, sure, but I feel like he'd be content with having a sort of relationship wherein you both still have some healthy distance and therefore, some independence.

GIFT GIVING: 8/10. He definitely gifts you things that he also uses. Maybe like a hair-tie or a first aid kit "just to make sure." He's fond of the idea of doing similar things down to routines, so by gifting you things that he also uses, it would make spending time with you to be more productive. He would buy you flowers here and there sometimes and maybe an extremely short letter.

COMPATIBLE WITH: like he said, someone who is understanding. I agree with this because he does tend to he pretty moody sometimes (I like that he's aware of that). He would be great with someone who genuinely listens to him, but also knows how to advise him sometimes whenever he'd get much too moody.

KARASU TABITO

ACTS OF SERVICE: 9/10. He's a gentleman, I'm quite sure. He's probably the type to feel obligated to open doors for you all the time, letting you walk in first, or the type to make you walk on the side of the sidewalk farther from the road so he's walking nearer to the road. He's good at observing people and so he's aware of actions and characteristics to present that would make him appear better to you and to ensure that you're feeling comfortable.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: 9/10. He doesn't seem to be the type to be good at comforting, but he's really good at providing insights. He's good at grasping the situation and viewing it from different angles, so if you're talking about some sort of issue or event, best know that he'll provide some valuable insight after he finishes hearing you out.

PHYSICAL TOUCH: 5/10. Not good at initiating stuff like this. I bet that he's a noob at this. Although he's good at keeping a certain facade up, there are certain actions that could probably break that facade momentarily, but all of that has to be initiated by you. I rated him a 5 here because he's not crazy about physical touch in itself, rather, it depends on who the person initiates it with him.

QUALITY TIME: 5/10. Same with physical touch; he's not crazy about it considering that he's a very independent person, but if it's someone he cares about, then he likes it. With him, it always depends on who it is. It doesn't matter what type of things to do when spending quality time; it will always depend on who.

GIFT GIVING: 8/10. He's the type to give flowers, or chocolates, or romantic shit during the beginning of the relationship, but as it progresses, expect those to be less in exchange for more practical gifts. Again, he probably has an idea on how to "hook" someone, and in order to do that, he has to conform to some sort of standard in terms of romance which involves doing semi-cheesy shit. After a while though, when he grows used to you, I think he's truly prefer to give practical things.

COMPATIBLE WITH: Someone who he views as an "equal" or even someone he can look up to, so maybe someone strong, independent, and wise. Wise in a sense that they'd be able to convince him take a break from his constant facade with their words or actions, and strong in a sense where they genuinely have a good grasp of themselves and the situations they're in, similar to him.

[nulli-bug]

FOR TOSHIRO

What do your f/o's hugs feel like? im sorry but in the beginning they be SUPER stiff. later on they'd be better but in the beginning he'd be pretty bad at hugging

What are your favorite dates to have with them? concerts(modern artists or classical)

What are their favorite dates to have with you? I feel like he'd like going to museums so that

Do you have any songs that remind you of them? Do they have any songs that make them think of you? first love/late spring by mitski for him. I feel like he'd give me a classical song maybe like csárdás by vittorio Monti.

What's the height difference between you and your f/o? (in universe) 4'0 vs 5'11 = 1 foot 11 inch (irl) 4'11 vs 5'11= 1 foot

On a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you? 1-2 he is NOT doing PDA. he wouldn't outright push it away but he'd be embarrassed

What's your favorite feature about your f/o? his eyes and his hair. he's so pretty :)

What do you think they smell like? unlike laios I think he would wear at least some fragrance but nothing like that notable. I don't know how to specifically describe it but I feel like he'd smell "clean" if that makes sense. like he'd smell like how clothes smells after it's been washed.

What is your f/os biggest love languages? They don't have to be one of the "five", it can be anything specific they use to show you love. quality time. not necessarily talking but we can just sit next to each other silently and he'd be happy

Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them? it'd take a WHILE he'd be very nervous. he'd be stiff and cuddling or whatever would take a bit of getting used to.

What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o? modern shuro would like pride and prejudice

What is the dynamic that you and your f/o have? dynamic of two people silently judging others together

What does your f/o do for you when you're having a rough day? I feel like he would ask me what would cheer me up and he'd just do that

Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like? it's take a while (like everything else) but I kinda wanna say linking pinkies I guess (tbh I don't really hold hands)

Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where is their favorite place to kiss? (Face, hands, etc) maybe back of the hand or cheek kisses

Vice versa, do YOU like to give them little kisses? If so, where is YOUR favorite place to give them? cheek kisses also

What's your favorite silly leisure activity to do with your f/o? staying home and playing animal crossing (he likes collecting the bugs)

What is your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What is your favorite nickname that they for you, if they have one? I feel like its hard for him to give compliments (I think this is kinda sorta canon). he usually does compliments based on outfits because I think he's too embarrassed to compliment my physical appearance (like my hair or my face) I don't see him giving nicknames

What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What is your favorite nickname to call them? I think I'd constantly be calling him "pretty" and saying I like his eyes. I mean shuro is a nickname but I feel like I'd just call him by his actual first name.

I want everyone to have the chance to ramble about their romantic f/os, so I'm gonna make a reblog game where yall can answer the plethora of questions I'm gonna toss down. Any of the questions you want to answer, as little or as much as you'd like!! I'll read them all. PR.O.SHIP DNI!!! AT ALL! GET OUT-

SO!! SELFSHIPPERS! RIDDLE ME THIS:

What do your f/o's hugs feel like?

What are your favorite dates to have with them?

What are their favorite dates to have with you?

Do you have any songs that remind you of them? Do they have any songs that make them think of you?

What's the height difference between you and your f/o?

On a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you?

What's your favorite feature about your f/o?

What do you think they smell like?

What is your f/os biggest love languages? They don't have to be one of the "five", it can be anything specific they use to show you love.

Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them?

What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o?

What is the dynamic that you and your f/o have?

What does your f/o do for you when you're having a rough day?

Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like?

Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where is their favorite place to kiss? (Face, hands, etc)

Vice versa, do YOU like to give them little kisses? If so, where is YOUR favorite place to give them?

What's your favorite silly leisure activity to do with your f/o?

What is your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What is your favorite nickname that they for you, if they have one?

What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What is your favorite nickname to call them?

Okay I can't wait to see some answers!! Feel free to reblog as many times with as many f/os as you want. ANYONE CAN PARTICIPATE! SEEING THIS POST IS AN INVITATION FOR YOU!!

People I'd like to see answer this off the top of my head (but don't have to!!): @moxanji-real @one-winged-dreams @lovesickvalentines @graveluvr @clawingatmy-enclosure @starshakez @jpeg-indulgence @everynya @tropgothships @selfshipping-tboy @amelielovesamaris @pixel-comfort @fl0ralsxgar

[self-loving-vampire]

I get that the standard answer to "why do people find smoking sexy even now?" is "because of a mass marketing campaign from over a century ago" but that answer doesn't fully satisfy my curiosity, specifically about the mechanisms of how something like that works.

I suspect part of what gets left out of conversations about that it is that a lot of people are terminally celebrity-brained and readily adopt whatever image famous Hollywood actors (pre-internet influencers) popularize.

But when you sincerely don't care about that the perception of smoking seems very different.

In my own case I am also pretty much a dog in human form and can't stand the smell, which persists even when someone isn't currently smoking. It sticks to clothes and hair and even their furniture.

And the whole "smoking is edgy and rebellious" thing falls apart when you know how manufactured and arbitrary it is.

That part, by itself, is not automatically a dealbreaker. For example, I think chest sarashi looks really cool even though it's literally just a piece of cloth with no inherent "cool" qualities but a few cultural associations that tie it to some of my kinks.

But smoking has very different associations for me than I imagine it does for the type of person who finds it attractive.

It is also such a mainstream and popular symbol for "tough and rebellious" characters that it kind of ceases to be edgy to me. I don't assume smokers are cool rebels. I assume they are people who were influenced by celebrities, Hollywood, or peers to see smoking as cool and rebellious even at the cost of their health. A complete 180 into extreme conformism and submission to normative influence.

Smoking is "cool" because tobacco companies sank a ton of money into mainstreaming and popularizing it through conventionally-attractive celebrities and the like, so buying into their framing completely is not edgy. The image of smoking is too deliberate, too artificial, and too big.

A more sincerely rebellious person, in my view, would instead adopt aesthetics that they personally find cool but that normal society may instead see as cringe or ridiculous.

In other words, those fat, katana-wielding men wearing fedoras and criticizing religion that people used to make fun of have a more rebellious and independent spirit than a smoker does, to me.

[softnspiky]

Trafalgar Law Headcanons

(That no one asked for)

☆ He has generally good hygiene and showers often, but Law is bad about washing his hair. It feels like a waste of time, since he wears a hat constantly. He uses a lot of dry shampoo to look presentable. Everybody has one hygiene thing they're lazy ab, and for Law, it's his hair.

☆ Socially awkward. Anytime this man has rizz, it's because he rehearsed in his head beforehand, or got lucky/accidental. (It's ok, we love him anyway)

☆ Carries hand sanitizer (he gets unscented, but bonus points if his significant other gets him one of those glittery rubber holders in the shape or a polar bear or something, and gets some scented ones for him to try. If people comment on what smells so good, he never admits that it's his hand sanitizer, but he DOES use them and secretly likes them.)

☆ He's highly perceptive/tuned in to the people around him. He may not be participating in the conversation, but he's following every word and picking up on emotional queues from people's tone. (This is bc of his time in the Doflamingo family. I headcanon Robin this way, too. They developed this habit to survive.)

☆ Wants to be COOL (if the tattoos aren't evidence enough, look at how this man presents himself.) If his design didn't have to be re-drawn so much, I fully believe it would include more jewelry: rings, necklaces, bracelets, a belt chain. This man shops at hot topic; have you seen his under-eye makeup? But ye, very much wants to be perceived as cool, mysterious, and powerful.

*This is largly a coping mechanism he picked up bc of the Doflamingo family, where keeping up appearances and having a cool exterior was literally a method of survival.

☆ Calculation has become second nature to him in social situations, so it's hard for him to relax and "be himself" when he's in a safe space to do so. The Heart Pirates and the Straw Hats must often remind him. "It's just us, you're safe, no judgments here, relax," ex.

☆ Probably goes without saying, but he absolutely has trust issues and struggles to be vulnerable.

☆ In a relationship, his love languages would be quality time and acts of service (giving), and words of affirmation and physical touch (receiving).

☆ Law typically refrains from smoking or drinking alone, but he will sometimes partake if offered in a social setting.

☆ However, Law does drink caffeine excessively. Definitely has a caffeine addiction even though he knows it's bad for him. Tries to spread his caffiene into different formats bc it feels less like an addiction if he doesn't have to confront the "i had 3 monsters today" issue in his mind (because instead he had a monster and a coffee and tea and snacked on caffeinated chocolate.)

☆ He struggles with insomnia and has a hard time getting real deep sleep that's uninterrupted by unpleasant dreams or sounds from the crew. He's a light sleeper even without any caffeine and doesn't typically find much relief from sleeping.

☆ Sharing a bed would be a big thing for him in a relationship. He would sleep much more deeply with another presence in bed. A physical reminder of his safety keeps him grounded. (He slept so well when he traveled with Cora for this reason.) His s/o would also be able to help convince him to come to bed, simply to receive snugs. This has a positive impact on his overall mental and physical health.)

*I see Law not getting enough rest/not allowing himself to rest as a subconscious form of self harm/punishment from his survivor's guilt. :(

☆ He is a sucker for cute things. Look at Bepo. Heck, look at the Polar Tang. He tries to keep this under wraps bc it would humanize his mysterious, uncaring Surgeon of Death persona. Here's a list of things I think Law would secretly adore: beanie babies, keychains, patterened socks with sushi or Sanrio characters on them, *hidden under his boots and skinny jeans

☆ Law runs cold. Perhaps it's a side effect of his disease that never quite went away after he cured himself. I know he would be used to the cold after spending so much time in a submarine, but he's usually in a big coat of some kind regardless. At the very least, he has poor circulation to his feet. His s/o would be in for a shock, brushing up against his toes when sharing a bed. Those mfers are CLAMMY.

☆ Definitely has shrimp posture

☆ Has some mother hen habits as a result of being a doctor. He reminds his crew (through gritted teeth) to drink water, wear sunscreen and sunglasses, eat enough protien ex. They know it's his way of showing he cares for them, so they don't mind. He usually receives a chuckle followed by an "Aye-aye Captain".

☆ Law carries a fanny pack. (Hidden on his back beneath his coat) I cannot explain how I know this, only that it is true.

☆ I see him being a trinket guy. He has a drawer of random stuff that he's picked up from the islands he's been to. Bits of nature, ephemera. To the untrained eye, it's a drawer of useless items, but to him, they're mementos. Law doesn't have many good memories, or much of anything from his childhood, so he holds onto items that have significance, even if he probably doesn't need to. (Hence the hat) He does open the drawer from time to time and look through them, especially if he's feeling lonely.

☆ Despite this, he generally doesn't have a lot of possessions. He's used to traveling and wandering, not settling. He packs light, and most of his stashed items are back at the Tang. If he picks up keepsakes, they're nearly always pocket sized. (Fanny pack, I'm telling ya)

~~~

That's all for now! Lmk what you think in replies :>

The art is an edit of a piece by Gokujounomaguro on Twitter! They make sooo much gorgeous Law fanart 😍

[humanundead]

Special interview with Ryoji Morimoto to celebrate the release of "Kamen Rider Blade CREATURE GADGET ARCHIVES Undead Buckle" (November 2016)

To commemorate the release of the “Undead Buckle,” we conducted a special photoshoot and interview with Mr. Ryoji Morimoto, who played Hajime Aikawa/Joker/Human Undead/Ryo Mikami.

We heard him discuss his thoughts on Blade and his impressions of the product.

(translation under cut)

Thank you for your hard work on the photoshoot. Now that the “Undead Buckle” has finally been released, we’d like to ask your honest thoughts on it.

Ryoji Morimoto: Well, I’m just happy. I was surprised when I heard about it, so I’m glad it’s actually happening.

We had a roundtable discussion with you and everyone else from Blade for the release of the “Rouse Card Archives” in 2012.

Morimoto: Among the Blade team, there’s an ever-present feeling that it’s not over yet, so the “Rouse Card Archives” discussion was the first opportunity we’ve had in a while to get together. We were surprised at how high quality the cards were.

For the “Rouse Card Archives 10th Anniversary Edition” in 2014, we gathered nine Blade cast members.

Morimoto: The Blade team is close, so I didn’t feel nostalgic. They haven’t really changed from how I remember them back then. Everyone still looks good as well. I think they might be Undead (laughs).

(While looking at the booklet from back then) Ah, I had long hair then! That’s right, I’m pretty sure Amano-kun also got long hair after this. Tsubaki-kun also had long hair before this, or maybe after. Amane-chan’s appearance has changed the most. She’s really grown up.

In 2015, you voice acted in “Kamen Rider Blade Drama CD: The Joker’s Path” and “Super Hero Taisen GP: Kamen Rider 3.” How did you feel about playing Hajime Aikawa again for the first time in 10 years?

Morimoto: Even as an actor, I think playing the same role again after 10 years is a very difficult experience. Even so, for some reason, it wasn’t hard. Hajime Aikawa has been living inside me this whole time, so I’m immediately able to be possessed by his spirit.

In the main story of “Kamen Rider Blade,” you played the multiple roles of Hajime Aikawa, Joker, Ryo Mikami, and Human Undead. How did you differentiate between the roles?

Morimoto: In the case of Hajime Aikawa, at the time we started filming, I hadn’t seen the whole script, so I was building him up as filming progressed. There wasn’t a process of preparing for the role in the beginning. I’d heard that he wasn’t human, so I was conscious of things like not blinking and not feeling pain. Hajime is a handsome guy, so I wanted him to be cool, but when I was Joker I was just groaning, like “wuuuuuh.”

Everyone says Ryo Mikami is the most similar to me, but in reality, I’m moody (laughs), so we’re a little different. I might be a goofball, but when I need to get down to business, I can, so I wanted to show that gap with my performance.

Human Undead… that’s right. I think I was going for something like Adam from Adam and Eve. Like a godly feeling…Well, it’s hard to talk about Human Undead. I don’t remember playing him that well.

He only appears about two times in the show, doesn’t he. When taking the first photo, your face completely became Hajime Aikawa’s. It was my fault for unintentionally handing you the rouse card as a prop.

Morimoto: Ah, I definitely went for Hajime’s pose! It was a great photoshoot featuring the Human Undead. (looking at the rouse card) Ah, look, isn’t the hair permed and almost nuanced? It looks nice, doesn’t it.

According to the person in charge of the rouse card illustrations, they drew them before the cast had been confirmed, and they didn’t even know what your face looked like. But somehow, it resembles you quite a bit.

Morimoto: (taking the same pose as the card) You’re right! It might look like me. It’s fate.

Now, regarding the “Undead Buckle” product, not only have we paid a lot of attention to the design, it also has an opening and closing gimmick.

Morimoto: It really opened! Also, the texture of the belt part is interesting.

It is, isn’t it. We call it a belt out of convenience, but the details of the Human Undead’s waist only happens to look like a belt. We actually think it’s biological tissue, so we tried to recreate the biological texture with silicone.

By the way, how do you think the Human Undead won the original Battle Fight?

Morimoto: If he didn’t have any physical strength, or any sort of special attack… as a human, he must have been intelligent, right? Making his fellow Undead fight each other… how crafty!

What do you think the original effect of “Spirit” was? Kamen Rider Chalice used it when he turned back into Hajime, but that ability isn’t useful in battle, is it. Fans have also been speculating about the original Battle Fight in all sorts of ways. It isn’t really discussed much in the show either, but it’s a very interesting topic.

Morimoto: This has been a good opportunity to think about the Human Undead.

The Undead discussion never ends. Earlier, we were taking some Human Undead-style photos, and looking at them again, you seem to be more toned than you were in those days.

Morimoto: I went to the gym in preparation. Because I’m an Undead.

What’s your secret to staying youthful?

Morimoto: I guess it’s not being controlled by other people. I think it’s having the determination to keep doing what I want to do.

Heroes also align with this way of thinking.

Morimoto: I want to be a hero, I want to be a hero. The desire to be a hero is always at the root of everything, I think. I want to keep bringing excitement to Kamen Rider Blade, like Tsubaki-kun, who has been fighting brightly and positively without being defeated, despite facing difficult circumstances.

Lastly, please give us a message for the customers who will buy the product.

Morimoto: It’s really cool, so I would definitely be happy if it becomes popular. I hope it’s treasured not just as a belt, but as a part of the Undead’s body. With this, you too can become the ancestor of all humans!

-November 2016, Tokyo

[summergoodwife]

Corporations mass-producing media without regard for artist wellbeing or art quality has absolutely fucked people's expectations for how long art takes to make. It happens across all different kinds of media, too—I follow a lot of weekly manga, so this problem is insanely pervasive in the fandoms I hang around. People there just do not understand how little time a mangaka is left with when they're forced onto that sort of schedule. I could bring up Yoshihiro Togashi's old math equation showing that he had, in total, no more than a couple hours a week to use for anything other than barebones survival and manga art—but no, I don't think I need to. It takes exactly one skim through a weekly manga chapter to see: this much art drawn to this level of quality in this style is not at all feasible to fit into one week.

But they have to. If they don't, they won't be published, because the publishers only care about convincing fans to pay them. And what are fans willing to pay for? Weekly releases. You would not believe how colossal of a dip in readership an average shonen manga will take from a single one-week delay. If there are multiple, the manga is essentially doomed to low readership. Night Light Hounds on mangaplus is skirting just above the axeline, despite being well-written, with insanely skillful and stylish art, and hitting many points that ordinarily boost a shonen's popularity into the stratosphere.

But, then, why do fans want the weekly releases?

Because it's what they already have. It's privilege. Most people, as it stands, aren't willing to look around or wait for the art they want. They'd rather have something immediately, easily, right where they were already looking, than look for something that they'll actually seriously like.

It's art as fast food.

i think it is unrealistic for fans to expect sequels to be published a year after the first one and also want the book at its highest quality. it's okay to expect a few years in between and i think it weird how much pressure authors face to publish their next book immediately. that's a lot of stress on authors and i think it often leads to books being put out before they are ready.

[dokidokitsuna]

Daughters

…It’s been a minute since I posted any art here. At first I thought it might be because I was just getting depressed again, but tbh I’ve been happier and more creative than ever. ^^; Things are definitely different this time around…and I think it’s something that’s been building for a long time.

Recently, I started thinking about Daughters of the Pumpkin Queen again– an old webcomic that I worked on back when I was in college. And although I hate reading my old work, I made myself skim through it, and I was honestly stunned at the quality of the writing, especially in the unfinished Season 2. O_O If I can do stuff like that while school is literally eating my brains away, man…I don’t know why I’m not famous already. People really don’t appreciate genius, do they…?

Anyway, genius or not, it’s clear that I worked really hard to make it a high-quality webcomic, putting in more and more effort and polish with every new installment…while it gradually became less and less popular, like everything else I did at the time. And I think DotPQ was kind of the final straw for me, back then...

I remember getting really depressed and miserable about my art in the years that followed…I didn’t think I was depressed and miserable, but in hindsight, I was clearly in the “Anger” and “Bargaining” stages of the grieving process. ^^; I started pushing myself to do anything I could stomach to get more popular as an artist– I joined more sites, I started posting more standalone art, I branched out to new types of art; writing novels, composing music, starting speedpaint video essays near the end. I just wanted an audience again so badly, and I knew I was good at all these things, because everyone I brought my art to directly told me so. So I figured it was just a matter of finding the right niche.

Long story short, it didn’t work. ^^; I learned a ton of new artistic skills, and I definitely don’t regret that, but I never did get what I wanted– i.e. a steady stream of external validation on at least a weekly basis. What I did get was new fans of my more sporadic content, like my video essays and animation…and before that was low-key frustrating, because I really couldn’t do more than one of those a month, at best. What would I do for validation in the meantime…?

But now…I don’t really care? ^^; I don’t feel like I need validation in the meantime anymore…and at first I thought it was just laziness (or the bouts of depression) but now I’m thinking it was also just me subconsciously fighting this change in my mindset. After all, when you think of online artists, they’re usually in one of two camps: the dedicated people who chase the algorithms on a weekly/daily basis, or the legendary people who just drop a masterpiece every couple months and never say anything. And because I knew I didn’t want to be the latter; I assumed I needed to be the former, but maybe there’s middle ground.

I’m not 100% sure what it is…but I know I’ve come to be fine with just working on projects by myself for weeks or months. I don’t mind taking my time with difficult drawings anymore, or simply deciding not to post them if I don’t like them, without feeling like I wasted the effort. And I’ve relearned to make pieces I’m proud of without even wanting to post them online– initially this was because I was just afraid no one would like them as much as I expected, and it was better not to take the risk. ^^; But now it’s more like…that’s not always what they’re for. Sometimes I just want to get an idea out of my head and look at it, and that’s fine by itself.

Best of all, I can finally work on my original projects with no guilt or shame. ^^ That’s basically what I did all last month, and I had a great time. I spent hours writing every day; I made a bunch of new drawings; I even did a color study for the first time in a while. And I was the only witness…and it still feels wrong, but not as wrong as it used to. It’s kinda freeing. ‘_’

I still like to share art and talk about it with fans; it’s still the highlight of my life and one of the main reasons I feel motivated to make art. But it’s not an imperative anymore; there’s no pressure to make it happen at all costs. And I think this year, I’m going to make a conscious effort to accept that as normal. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been watching a lot of Duchess Celestia lately, but I think it’s time to review my lifestyle as an artist and lean into the parts I actually enjoy.

Now, as for this drawing: I just really loved the characters in this little series, despite all the bad memories attached to working on it. ^^ And even though Season 2 had a great storyline and part of me is tempted to finish it, I think Season 1 had a stronger concept; to the point where it’d probably be a better idea to reboot the series, if I ever went back to it.

Maybe as just a short run with 2 or 3 episodes, to play with the concept in a new way. I like the idea of re-imagining Mariska and Etelka as teenagers (which wasn’t possible in the original lore)…y’know, let them be a little more driven and opinionated, and have some more agency. DotPQ was heavily inspired by Fireball in terms of the premise; this could be a chance to borrow some more from it in terms of tone. ^^ Idk, it’s just a fun idea…I’ll probably just toy with it in the background along with everything else.

[charmac]

hi! i saw your post talking about the sunny merch, it was super interesting! i was curious what the merch used to look like and what the problem with it is now. i thought some of the stuff was cute but idk lol! love your account<3

Heyo, thanks for the ask!

So, Sunny's merch used to be made in part by Suburban Riot, a small company in which the founders were friends of Rob's (of Mac's famous RIOT shirt fame and many other of his iconic shirts, which they used to sell as merch), and in part by FX's own design team, which modeled merch off the clothes or events from the show. (For example, when The Gang Broke Dee aired, you could go to Fox's website and buy one of the "Jokes on Dee" shirts that looked identical to the ones they wore on the show.)

Here's some idea of what their merch page used to look like (Screencap from ~2015):

Around the time of the Disney acquisition, the merch was all moved to Disney's control (and I understand Suburban Riot has now been assumed by another Company anyway...but they seem to still be selling Dick Towels, lol) and IMO you can see the shift in quality and the kind of merch they're inclined to make...

I did not mean to say/imply that all of the Sunny merch now is bad, I actually really like some of the designs (the Christmas sweaters especially), but it's clear a lot of the merch is a formulaic design made to be reprinted across different products. Aside from the stuff that's just pulled off the Season artwork (that has no connection to the season, anyway), my gripes about the merch really lie with how it's clearly designed not for fans of the show, but to appeal to the widest market:

I think the most egregious and obvious example of this is the "bowling" shirt they put out after The Gang Goes Bowling. In the episode, the girls have their team jerseys:

Awesome. Kind of a no-brainer to sell these as merch, right? Well, sure, but statistics say Sunny is a boys show and boys like blue and the numbers also say t-shirts sell best, so let's make it a $70 blue t-shirt that looks like a bowling jersey to sell to the boys instead:

(Why!!!! (Money))

And while they still sell some t-shirts "from the show," it all looks like bootleg merch for some reason..? Like, it is your show, why are you altering the design slightly as if you're afraid to get copyright sniped??

Just make and sell the ACTUAL DESIGN.

This is a design created for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia! Why is the official merch for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia weird rip off designs of the designs created for and featured in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia!? It's your show!!!

I don't wanna be looking at this through rose-coloured glasses, though, I'll admit some of the 2010s merch was.. well:

lmao

So my dig at the merch is not to say "all the merch looks bad/cheap now and it didn't use to," but really more-so a point about how FX/Sunny lost the ability to creatively direct the merch, and we're seeing that clearly via the formulaic design and products coming out after the newer seasons that disregard the years long plea from fans just wanting shirts (and products! they used to sell Kitten Mittens!!) that are in the actual show.

And, personally... this is the one that got away... I would pay anything for this one...

[king-of-confections]

OOC: By far one of the best writings from someone else I was lucky to find that actually portray Turbo frighteningly in-character. I'm really hopeful to see more of your stuff OP! 🥺 I NEED MORE OF IT PLEASE

Anyway I decided to review it a little! 💜 touch on some subjects not a lot of people tend to bring up when it comes to Turbo and the topic of losing one's identity.

It's subtle, palpable but you outright name it- but you can see the beginnings of his self-destruction in this piece. The beginnings of him tearing away from himself. Why? For greed.

An addiction just as bad as a lot of other substances.

The way he thinks about his game, 'untextured', 'primitive', 'the players had outgrown it'. It's almost like he now resents his game, part of himself, for simply being the way it is, old-school. Old technology.

Turbo is unwilling to accept that people can outgrow him. Not everyone, mind you, tons of people love the old retro stuff. But being 'mainstream' is what he's always been after. IN YOUR FACE, the same way he is as King Candy throughout the entire movie. That is what he wants. Anything lower than that is unacceptable.

He wants to stay relevant no matter how much he has to change himself for it, how much of his self he has to shed away. Better graphics, newer game, more power, different look, different clothes, more glitter, more cuteness, better quality.

This is, from a personal point of view, the saddest and most horrifying way of killing yourself. From within, little by little. (Other examples: The Substance 2024, The Haunting Hour S1E1 "Really You", Adult Swim's "Unedited Footage of A Bear")

And the worst part is, he's not allowing himself to grieve, either. He lost his game, his home. But in doing that, he would have to face himself. He would have to accept that this was his fault. That he's not the victim that gets to feel sorrow, and he is not justifiable.

Turbo is unwilling to do that. Because he genuinely believes he deserves better, more than what he had, he's not sorry for what he did, but he also might feel grief or sorrow for losing his game. This lack of empathy towards others mixed with personal sorrow for his game don't mix well, because then he would have to look towards what he did to Roadblasters. This is why he won't grow as a person, this is why he can't let go, because he refuses to acknowledge these things, because in his eyes, he'd been the one who was wronged.

How he still had his steering wheel from his old car he crashed among few other things. How threw everything away except what he still had use for (the konami code).

"He reached for the pocket of his jumpsuit. His fingers grazed gold silk. He chuckled nervously and moved a hand to the new pocket within the interior breast of his tailcoat. He removed the contents and laid them on the bed.

His last cigarette. A nondescript lighter. The password to the code room written on the corner of a Tapper’s napkin.

These three things were the only possessions he had deemed essential enough to take with him.

His homemade beer bottle string lights, portable radio, cassette tapes, checkered flag pillow, the steering wheel of his old car, all had to be left in the bowls of GCS. They were too big. Too tied to his old name. They were useless anyway, he didn't need old junk dragging him down."

I love everything about this part of the writing, how much it's telling you without telling you.

Turbo is still getting used to his new appearence, he's expecting to feel his jumpsuit's pocket, not the silken softness of a royal coat.

Turbo is nervous and paranoid, he's not allowing himself to even think of his past, not to hum or say his catchphrase even when he knows he's alone. As if he'll get caught in the act. He's just recently taken hold of an entire racing game. He can live again. Those last two things are good, but he cannot afford himself to screw things up over nostalgia, of course it'd make him nervous. It's not like he's had a lot of experience successfully taking over an entire game before without anyone noticing, from the outside or inside.

Idk if it was meant to be symbolic in some way or just for the angst of the sorrow of that- but to me, him choosing to throw away every little bit of his last belongings from his game could be a slight metaphor for his beginnings of shedding away parts of himself: what's undersired, what's out of style. Nostalgia? For what? A scrap old game that's not worth mentioning.

"He didn't need old junk weighing him down."

People usually like to keep mementos. Small, sometimes useless-looking things that to a person could hold great emotional value.

Unless what they hold is a bitter reminder, as well. Weighing him down, but not physically.

Who would care to remember about that game? Nobody but the residents of it. And he's above that.

Because it's not TurboTime that GCS remembers.

It's him that they remember, he's the star- just like he's always been, because he paved his own golden path.

Going Turbo is what everyone remembers.

Not his game.

Sugar and Smoke

King Candy takes advantage of the luxuries of his new life, while still longing for the simple pleasures of his old.

Characters: King Candy/Turbo, Sour Bill, Turbo Twins (mentioned)

Tags: Smoking, bubble bath, eating lots of sweets, angst

Completed on September 15th, 2024. 1476 words.

...

The new skin felt strange. It was softer than he was used to, higher definition. The flesh was unscared, the eyes bright, the cheeks jolly. The cadaverous pallor, the sunken eyes, the body he had carried his entire life was gone, phased out, banished into electric aether.

It wasn’t what he had before. He could smile again, but it wasn’t the same smile. He had a car again, but it wasn’t his red rocket. He didn’t have the simple pleasures of his home world; the gentle wave of the pixelated green grass, the earthy scent of the simple dirt loop, the reliable company of the twin racers…

Whatever. He didn’t need them. He didn’t need any of it. It was old software; untextured, primitive. The players had outgrown it, he had outgrown it. It didn’t deserve him. What he deserved was this! A castle, hundreds of subjects hanging off his every word, glitter graphics, high definition, a spotlight, a crown! It was the least fate could repay him for his suffering, rotting unknown in crawl spaces for ten years.

His honey brown eyes bounded over the walls of his new domain, cataloged it, let his mouth water. Pink cookie walls, rainbow sugar glass, sparkling white icing. It had been a long, long time since he’d had a taste of something sweet. 

At the urging of his tongue he dove in, flew through his castle, eager to see every room, sample every flavor. Devour it, all of it, literally and metaphorically. It was his, all of it, all of it! 

He admired the paintings of ice cream landscapes, chewed the corners off the nightstand in the cheesecake guest room, let the swirl of the lollipops hypnotize him, Let chocolate doorknobs melt in his mouth, ran his palms up the twisting licorice banister, broke peppermint decorations off the walls and sucked them to points. 

He was in the middle of licking the icing off a gingerbread headboard when he caught the movement of a stranger behind him. He leapt off the bed and hurried to make himself presentable. The stranger stared back, licking his lips, adjusting the cuffs of his purple suit. The stranger had that look on his face, the look of being caught in the act. 

He approached, cautiously. The stranger approached, cautiously. They lifted their hands, fingers meeting on the mirror’s glass. The strange reflection turned its head, ran it’s peach fingers over the wisps of gray hair above its ears, squished the soft cheek, pulled at the corner of the lip, ran a red tongue over white teeth. It stood back a bit, dusted itself off. The reflection wore a purple tailcoat, gold puff pants, caramel leggings, a lace collar, a gold crown and a shimmering red candy wrapper bow tie. 

Not a single color carried over, no textures, not a sliver of his old face. This was good. It was. No one would ever recognise him. Even he didn't recognise him. He left the room. The stranger moved to follow, then vanished as he shut the door.

…

His room…. His room…. Ooh… he couldn't make a decision on it. It was different. Very different from what he was accustomed to. There was a rug, a clean one. Gingerbread armoires, rock candy lamps, footstools, a fainting couch, a make-up desk, wallpaper, a four poster bed with satin curtains! All white and pink. There was no black plastic, no exposed wires, no oil, no rubber, no concrete, no trophy shelf. Just sugar. 

He wanted to fix it. Bring in the scent of tools and grease, rust, motor oil and gasoline, antifreeze, real dirt, real grime. Was there anything real in this world? 

He reached for the pocket of his jumpsuit. His fingers grazed gold silk. He chuckled nervously and moved a hand to the new pocket within the interior breast of his tailcoat. He removed the contents and laid them on the bed. His last cigarette. A nondescript lighter. The password to the code room written on the corner of a Tapper’s napkin. These three things were the only possessions he had deemed essential enough to take with him. His homemade beer bottle string lights, portable radio, cassette tapes, checkered flag pillow, the steering wheel of his old car, all had to be left in the bowls of GCS. They were too big. Too tied to his old name. They were useless anyway, he didn't need old junk dragging him down. 

He took the cigarette between his teeth, lit the end, and let the smoke ease his rattled code. Tabaco lifted his insides, wafted from his lips, overpowered the smell of sugar. He breathed, out and in, tapped the ash off and kicked it under the bed. His softened gaze fell on the door to the bathroom. His personal, private bathroom. A luxury the greatest racer ever had yet to experience. A smile pinched the corners of his mouth. He slipped his possessions back into his tailcoat and locked himself in the new room.

The bathroom was pink and white, same as the bedroom, but it had more of the later color than the former. The floor was tiled with sugar cubes and the windows were made from frosted sugar glass, but the pink clawfoot tub was remarkably normal looking. Finally. He turned the wheel atop the gold faucet and watched crystal water flow. He frowned. This wasn't some strange candy water was it? He wasn't going to bathe in soda. He parked his cigarette between his first two fingers and leaned over the edge of the tub for a taste. Alright, it was just sparkling water. He could deal with that. He put the cigarette back between his lips, tossed in a bit of soap that promised a perfect bubble bath and stood aside to remove his clothes. 

He found something to recognise once his model was striped to its base. The skin may be different, but he still had the same bones, the same basic shape. The oversized head, short limbs, long feet, pudgy belly. He shifted the cigarette from the right corner of his mouth to the left and stuck a familiar pose; chest lifted, right hand gripping a (nonexistent) trophy, left hand giving the thumbs up.

‘Turbotastic!’

He almost said, catching the phrase before it left his mouth. His arms fell to his sides. The cigarette drooped on his lip. 

Careful, careful. You can’t keep anything from your old life. It’s gone. You're not getting any of it back. You're above it anyway, you've grown beyond. Throw off the old rags. 

He breathed smoke from his nose, shaking his head and muttering nonsense. He tapped cigarette ash into the sink, turned the faucet off and eased into his bubble bath. The soap’s label had been honest, some of the bubbles were nearly the size of his head. It was probably scented like something sweet, but he couldn't smell it through the tobacco. The water was what he expected; warm, fresh. Cleaner than him, almost certainly. 

He lay back. Soaking. Smoking his cigarette down to its filter. He started to hum to himself. 

“Hmm… hm hm hm hm, hm hm hm hm, hm hm h-”

The trumpets of the Turbotime overture played between his ears. The cheer of the plywood crowd. The way his fingers gripped the wheel, the way he’d turn it at the south bend, the dust he’d kick up, the way the twins would curse him when it got in their mouths, the way he’d laugh. They would beat him up after the race sometimes, when he t-boned them or made them spin out, but they always forgave him in time. If they had lived, would they have forgiven him for-

No, no no no stop stop STOP. He had to stop thinking about it, it had to disappear, he had to forget. He needed a distraction. He should have brought his casetes, more cigarettes. He threw a bar of soap at the service button beside the door. He missed, badly. He threw a larger bar and hit it this time. A dreary voice crackled over the intercom. 

“King Candy?”

“Sour Bill! I need music brought to my bathroom!”

A long pause. “Like… a band?” 

“No no! A radio, a walkman, something along those lines!” 

“Mmmm… we have a record player.” 

“That will do. Bring it in.”

“Yes sir. What kind of music do you want?”

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Anything, something… something energetic. I need cheering up.” 

“Yes sir. Is there anything else you need?”

He took a final drag, kept the smoke in his body as long as he dared, then let it escape. A ghostly tower, part of his soul fading into the air. He sighed. 

“No, that will be all.”

End

Author's notes: this was my first time writing fanfiction since like, 2019. It was fun to write something short and in a very different setting than what I normally write in. :)

[m1ndp4rty]

Irving

There's really no way to say what will happen with Irving.

Again I've seen some hand wringing on whether this is the end of Irving's character or role in the story. I'm of two minds. On one hand Irving's innie died. He makes a sacrifice and scores a hit against Lumon with revealing Helena. He plays foil to innie Marks position in the finale in that he does step out of the exit hallway in chase of who he loves in the outside world, fulfilling his initial desire to non-exist together with Burt. (Versus Dylan who chooses a more symbiotic coexistence and Mark choosing to go full innie)

I also kind of love that death has real stakes here. Some people may see this as Irving getting put on a bus but it speaks to the fact that there are real consequences to defying Lumon, and that fundamentally if Irving B "died" as an Innie he can't come back. He is lost to the MDR, and to his friends because he quite literally "died." It's just as traumatic and consequential as if his outtie were to die.

It would be quite different I think for the show to make the argument of the equivalency of severed and un-severed existence if they bring Irving B. back. it means there are less narrative stakes for the innies when they're being threatened.

Also like with Gemma I'm fundamentally rooting for the Innies to be free or to "escape" Lumon and the severed floor. Maybe that is disrespecting their autonomy but to me it's a poor argument that their existence as Lumon intends it and whatever agenda their work serves for Lumon is something we should be championing.

Like with Gemma freedom from Lumon and the ability to choose what comes next is a win for Irving. Like with Gemma it comes at the cost of his "love" but (for the last time) like with Gemma it may not be the end of Irving's story. As I wonder what or where they might take the character if they decide to bring him back I'm more hopeful for the possibilities than angry with the choices they made.

Irving was in some ways the best of them, his experience, his compassion for his fellow severed selves and his laser focus on the goal echoes a lot great qualities that we see emulated in the remaining members. Narratively he's the Obi-wan, you strike him down and he could become more powerful than ever before. He also as the old wise mentor figure needs to be removed so that Dylan, Mark, and Helly can make mistakes or decisions without his guidance and wisdom. He's the Gandalf and he is too much of a stabilizing voice of reason with the ability to suss out what the problems are to be left alive. His absence hurts because he's a great character that we do want to see come back which is why I'm glad he's gone. It meant something that he lived, and it means something that he's "dead."

Time will tell if like the mentor figures mentioned he can come back in glory in a time of great need. I could certainly see Devon, Gemma, and Harmony tracking him down to link up with whatever organization or individual he was plotting with to get the scoop on Lumon.

For now Irving gets my favorite track on the original score for season 2. A sendoff that hints at better things, and someone who is more whole for having lived a severed life. Someone who's ready now for whatever comes next.

*Pure speculation time:

Like with Burt there is room I think to make Irving antagonistic in the next season. For one the nuance of him wanting to wreck Burt's marriage and not fundamentally caring if Fields gets hurt puts him neatly alongside the rest of the crew in terms of chasing love for good or bad regardless of who they "hurt".

If Irving is trying to take down Lumon or get to the testing floor there is a good chance that the served floor as we know it will end or the people in it removed. That once again puts him at odds with the innies who desire to stay alive.

If I were to speculate at Irving's backstory two roads that I think would be interesting to go down would be to follow the millitary angle: the government's role and thoughts on Lumon and severance as a technology are nebulous. I think many of us can imagine some fairly nefarious use cases for a perfected or imperfect severed technology e.g. agents for black ops or spying as gimmies. Or to flip it there was an incident with a severed spy/agent that they're trying to track down and prove now.

Irving being some kind of terrorist cell or deep cover agent trying to investigate in service of a government? would be a fairly reasonable path. It would bring higher stakes but would move a little away from the work/life corpo angle by bringing in the military-industrial complex. That being said big pharma and big tech in bed with the gov/millitary is almost sci fi show 101. It feels almost redundant to say Lumon must have gov/military contracts already.

I feel like if anything it's more likely he serves as a private contractor type with his ex navy/military background and discipline on a long sting operation and he's one of many attempts to get a handle on Lumon by a rival corp. That would make him similar to Burt as a hatchet man or enforcer type.

Irving as a kind of deep plant of a company that we saw Lumon fencing with like in the Lexington Letter. It would give Irving less of a squeaky clean motivation and reveal that he like Burt may have a fair few skeletons in his closet.

What was his goal? It seems that it's tied to whatever floors lie below the severed floor. We've seen testing now and with the rate of turnover I suspect it's not a specific person like with Mark and Gemma that Irving was trying to find. He's certainly been with Lumon for too long for me to think that's the case.

The end product of the testing, and the Manchurian candidate Lexington Letter innie bots though, however those are shipped (be it the chip or the person) I could see being of interest. If I had to guess that's what I'd put money on.

[centrally-unplanned]

I've been watching Evangelion for the first time since my teens- which of the sequels/spinoffs/alternate endings would you say are worthwhile beyond the original show?

Hm, this is a good question! The answer is going to be very individual because most of the Evangelion additional content is varying degrees of wildly different from the original show? So it is really a question of "what genres do you like". And your tolerance for bullshit, because most of them aren't good.

I will assume End of Eva is just default-included in "the original show"? Just in case, if not obviously watch that. Otherwise I do think Sadamoto's manga adaptation is quite good - it is of course the "same" story, but tonally different enough to be fun while not so different that any Eva fan will probably get something out of it. Those are the "core" products one can start with.

Beyond that...

Where do you even start, you know?

Okay, so I think most people will say that none of the "big" spinoffs are like good-good. Your actual answer is probably none of them. But if you do wanna dig in, I think Girlfriend of Steel is a VN with a contained, coherent story that matches the tone of the original show pretty well? Sort of an alt-universe telling with a new girl in the mix who is essentially girl-Shinji (yeah, I know, isn't Shinji girl-Shinji? Life/Sadamoto finds a way):

The game is choppy in its presentation and ofc quite tropey, but it has heart, and gets more serious as it goes on.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that the shonen comedy manga Shinji Ikari Raising Project is, like, worth reading? But some people like it, I am sure. Gendo does Punch An Angel which kinda fucks:

Honestly I thought Campus Apocalypse was pretty neat? Alas the scans online are dial-up tier on quality, but if the idea of "Evangelion: but it is a noir school academy thriller" appeals to you it very much is that. And there is something inevitable to their being a version of Eva where they wield the Lance of Longinus like a person-sized polearm and the angels are hot goth guys:

Okay so I really like Princess Maker? Which Gainax made by the way, that is often forgotten - pre-Eva while Gainax's animation division was burning cash their video game side hustle kept the lights on. So Gainax took advantage of the synergy and made the Ayanami Raising Project - and Asuka Supplement Project to boot! Which is an incredibly cheap knock-off where you take our two main girls and plan out their days and grow their stats and abuse your inexplicable position of power over them to date them and dress them up in adorable outfits which is all I have ever really wanted:

These images ofc are from the supplemental artbook and strategy guide, which yes I do own - you asked for my opinion, I didn't fucking ask for yours, okay?

There are one million more of these things, I haven't read/watched/played most of them - when it comes to Eva you kinda just gotta grab one at random and dive in, see what happens. Go download a PS3 emulator, grab a ROM for Misato Katsuragi's Reporting Plan, and see if listening to her voice-synth reading the actual news to you while you spin her rendered polygon model around to give yourself an upskirt shot does anything for you:

Can't be any worse than the fucking Rebuilds.

[realcleverscience]

I appreciate the thought out response.

I completely agree that there's too much hype about what AI can do *right now*. A lot of it is being deployed before it's really ready, and there are still some significant challenges to be overcome.

That said, I frankly have kind of thrown in the towel and have resigned myself to it for three main reasons:

free market - Companies are quickly adopting it and then quickly realizing what a mistake it was. A lot of companies have scaled back their AI ambitions and are waiting for the tech to mature a bit more.

I think a lot of the necessary maturing is going to happen relatively soon. So even those instances where ai is being used now and it just kinda sucks - I expect major improvements to happen soon to massively reduce that issue. (again, the rate and scale of improvement are a big part of what makes this such a game changer.) and to be clear, ai products may still be worse than human designed ones in the near future, but if they aren't "shitty", it could still be useful. e.g. lots of people love ikea even though the quality isn't remotely like hand-made furniture. Sometimes worse quality is fine if it means financial savings.

Lastly, I think it's largely a losing battle. History has shown that technologies that reduce costs are generally accepted and flourish, even at the expense of quality, at least in the "short" term. That said, there are exceptions to that pattern. For instance, in areas of life and death, the economics of innovation tend to be more conservative. This is why fields like medicine, architecture, and weaponry tend to evolve slowly. So I could see us putting up a fight about the need for humans in certain fields, but I also think that it'll be a short amount of time till AIs start to help (with significant improvements) to such fields, soon working alongside humans, and eventually replacing them. Basically, even for important and conservative fields that may evolve slower than most, I expect AI will quickly take over there as well - again, bc the rate of improvements suggests ai will achieve basically superhuman abilities in just a few more years. So yes, let's not implement ai too early; but at the same time, I think we need to recognize that ai is coming for those jobs, and even if they're not ready for it today, they will be very soon.

I would also end by saying that having ai and robots do all the jobs is, in theory, awesome. I don't want to work my day job and robots could bring down prices tremendously, making things a lot more affordable. There are just two issues: A. Can they do the jobs? That is, can they do them well - at least as well as the average person? I'd say that for most tasks today they can't - but in 3 years? 5 years? Pretty sure they will. B. Stuff may get more affordable, but without a job, it's not clear how people will afford anything. In our current capitalist system those without a job are at risk of homelessness, starvation, etc. But if we had a different economic system, that wouldn't necessarily be an issue. I love the idea of robots doing the essential work and leaving humans to do work we want to do - as long as people still have what they need to thrive. I know the US just elected trump and so seems to shun the concept of 'socialism', but I think that as ai starts to raise unemployment, we're likely to see a lot of people start to rethink that. (at least I hope so.)

But basically, I think ai development is generally good. I don't want to fight ai. I want to fight the systems that would abuse ai the same way they abuse people now (capitalism, authoritarianism, nationalism, etc.).

Left: AI meme from 1 year ago. Right: AI today.

And honestly, this was already largely solved for months already. Doesn't mean every generation is perfect, but it's now usable - and a threat to jobs.

And this is the trend across every industry AI is touching, and particular major LLMs: major improvements every few months. Some estimate it as roughly doubling in ability every 6 months. But even if it was closer to moore's law of doubling every 18 months, that would still be a mindbendingly quick pace (just as our transistors today are mindbendingly tiny). We are rapidly approaching the point where every doubling in ability produces ever greater amounts of economically useful works - and which therefore also threatens the jobs of large slices of the population (esp as robotics, thanks to AI, has also sped up tremendously).

~

Politics & Economics: On our current path, this will lead to the rich getting richer and the poor and getting poorer. Especially right now under the current administration. We need to start planning and implementing a transition to a new economic model in a world with little to no need for human labor, particular to produce essential human needs or services.